Posted by: Megan | February 16, 2014

We’re All Old as the Mountains Now

Here it is, y’all. The end of Flowers in the Attic. This is gonna be…something.

It’s spring now, and Chris has gotten sick (uh oh). He’s too sick to go out robbin’ bedrooms with his sister, so he tells Cathy that she needs to go by herself. She doesn’t want to leave him alone, which causes him to yell at her that she can’t depend on him all the time and that she needs to do things on her own. That’s what their mom thought, that she’d always have a man to help her, and look where that’s gotten them? Damn Chris, that’s some harsh stuff. True though, I must admit. He calms down when he sees that he scared Cathy, and assures her that he’s fine, but they really do need that money. We find out that they’ve been sick so often that Cathy is afraid that one of them is going to die. FORESHADOWING. They exchange I love yous and Cathy leaves.

She heads to their mother’s room, as Corrine told the kids that afternoon that she and Bart were going to a party. Always the #1 Mom, Corrine, and Cathy plans to take some jewelry this time around. When she gets to the room, however, she finds that Bart is in fact still there, seated facing the doorway. Cathy freezes (and makes sure to tell us that she’s wearing a shortie nightgown, thanks Cathy) and slowly realizes that Bart is asleep. He’s also wearing a pink ruffled tuxedo shirt with black lining on the ruffles, which is some Lazenby-Bond-level glam right there, good on ya Bart. Cathy takes the time to look him over and notes that he’s much younger than Corrine, which she thinks is terrible of her mother. Okay, wait. Corrine is what…36? 37? by now? She’s 33 when they get there and Olivia whips her. So what can Bart be, if he’s also a successful lawyer? 30? 28? Calm down, Cathy. This is like when Pearl was so impressed by Ruby’s good looks sticking around once she’d hit 35. So Cathy checks Bart out and decides she’d like to kiss him, especially given that he has a rocking mustache and she wants to know what it’s like to kiss someone who isn’t related to her. Oh boy. No really, she says that. I guess that’s fair enough, given her age as well as her circumstances, but oh boy all the same. So she kisses him and has an internal battle about whether or not to wake him up and tell him the truth. She decides against it, concluding that no one would choose four unwanted children over lots and lots of money and this part is really sad. She should have woken him up. I think Bart, though party to an incredibly questionable sex scene in a later book, is not shown to be a bad guy and I think he would have believed them. I don’t think his love for Corrine would have overpowered his reaction to learning what she’d done. Poor Cathy though, that’s not a decision I’d want to make on my own.

Cathy runs back and tells Chris that she didn’t find any money (she doesn’t tell him about Bart) and he teases her for being a bad thief. More time passes and it’s summer, coming up on their third year in the attic, and Chris has managed to steal more money, though they’re not getting much closer to their goal of $500. Cory is getting sicker and sicker and the kids have retreated more and more into numerous little rituals and beliefs that they’ve invented to keep them “safe”. In this case, C&C made white the safest color, leading the twins to refuse to sleep on anything but white sheets and to fear their mother because she wears black dresses. Oh boy. These kids. Cathy wonders why they can never get a pleasant breeze in the attic, why the wind only makes it through when it’s cold and awful. And then we skip to September.

We’ve arrived at the rape scene so let me sketch this out as briefly as I can: Cathy is in the attic when Chris returns from a thieving expedition and tells her that he was in their mother’s room looking at the “Needlework” book when Corrine and Bart came back unexpectedly and he had to hide. Bart is telling Corrine about his theory that the maids are stealing from them, as he’s been losing cash and his wallet is never in the same place twice. Corrine doesn’t get why five dollars here and there matters, but Bart is like um I WORK for my money, so I care. Corrine, who has become stronger-willed in her second marriage, tells Bart that there’s no way she can move out yet and when her husband suggests that they skip whatever event they’re headed to and stay in, she brings up the “last time” when he went upstairs “for a moment” and ended up falling asleep. Bart notes that he’d skip out and fall asleep more often if it meant that he could have a wonderful dream about a beautiful young blonde girl kissing him. Corrine has heard about enough regarding this dream (and really, Bart, why would you keep telling your wife about it??) and they leave still bickering.

Cathy hears all of this later, as during it all she’s up in the attic wishing she had her old music box back. Chris comes in and confronts her about kissing Bart and ruining everything–now they won’t leave money out any more, and then he slaps her, and tells her that she’s his, and then he rapes her. We’ve had some good conversation in the comments about this scene and its repercussions and so I don’t want to rehash it all a million times, but in my opinion and so the opinion of this blog, it’s not a consensual scene. Cathy says that she tried to fight him off, that he was stronger, and that she “wanted what he wanted” since she loved him so much, and that’s not the same thing as wanting something because you want it. He flat out calls it in the next scene–he apologizes for raping her, and Cathy, yes, does say that he didn’t, but it’s in a “I could have fought you off if I wanted to” way and she blames herself for kissing Bart and wearing short skirts, and that’s such a deep pool of victim-blaming and self-blaming and oh man. Let’s just go on, can we?

They have $396.44 and Chris decides that the next time he goes to steal things he’s going to go on a big sweep and take everything he can find. They’re both really worried about the twins so it’s time to get out of there and take them to a doctor. They make joking plans about going to Sarasota and joining the circus and the twins are very against that plan since they’re afraid their siblings would fall. Chris tells them that he and Cathy are an unbeatable team and Cathy remembers him telling her that he’ll never love anyone else. Awkward. It’s October now and Corrine has just left for the night, barely even looking at her children, and C&C are planning the big heist for that evening when Cory gets sick. He’s throwing up nonstop and he’s feverish and achy. Carrie, oh my god, asks politely if she can sleep in the same bed as her twin, promising that they won’t do anything evil, CRIPES CARRIE, MY HEART. Chris and Cathy try to figure out what could have caused this and they basically list everything BUT the donuts, which, come on guys. Olivia comes in with their food and while she doesn’t acknowledge it when they tell her that Cory needs a doctor, she returns shortly with Corrine. And then they go off into a corner and whisper together for a while, which is Cathy’s last straw. She screams at them to do something and Cathy does everyone’s favorite lines: “Have you forgotten you are his mother? If you haven’t, then, damn it, act like his mother!” Corrine shoots back with “You! Always it’s you!” and slaps Cathy. Who promptly slaps her back. BEST SCENE. This is the constant, the one in each adaptation, it’s just too good. Olivia is loving this, of course, and Chris pulls Cathy back, telling her that this isn’t helping Cory. Cathy lets Corrine have it then, damning her to hell if she doesn’t help Cory, swearing her revenge, telling that one day Bart and Malcolm and everyone will know exactly what she is and what she did. Corrine can only glare at her but Olivia speaks up at last, telling Corrine that Cathy’s right and that they need to take Cory for help.

Sadly, as we know, it’s too late, and Corrine returns the next day to tell them that Cory died of pneumonia and has already been buried, causing years of speculation and ghostly searches for my blog. The Great Cory Burial Debate will continue in Petals, don’t you worry. Corrine immediately peaces out, leaving her remaining children to grieve together. As the days pass, Carrie also starts to get worse and worse and C&C know that they need to get out of there. Chris has a new worry now, that they’ve spent so long in the attic that they’re now vulnerable to common germs and infections, but Cathy’s not hearing that–she’s not dying in that attic, so if it’s germs in the outside world, so be it. She wants them to go steal everything and leave tonight, but Chris wants to wait until they know that Corrine and Bart are out. And he doesn’t know if that’ll be soon since how can Corrine go party if she’s in mourning. Oh CHRISTOPHER. Come the fuck on, guy. Cathy does get one beam of happiness in all of this: she has a lovely dream one night where Chris the Elder appears and carries a healthy Cory off to Heaven (the place, not the Casteel) and that’s nice. She tells us that she got peace from that dream for a long time and lord knows the girl needs it.

November 10th! That’s the last day in the attic, Cathy tells us, as “God would not deliver us, we would deliver ourselves”. Okay, that’s pretty bad-ass. SPOILER ALERT: it is not actually their last day. Chris is preparing to go down to Corrine’s room, she having come by earlier and told them that she and Bart are going out. After Chris leaves, Cathy and Carrie try to sleep and wait for him to get back, but hours and hours go by without him returning. Cathy starts envisioning every nightmare scenario: Bart caught him, Olivia caught him, he’s been arrested, he’s been beaten, and when he finally returns after dawn with nothing in his pillowcases, she flips out, assuming that he couldn’t go through with robbing his precious Momma after all! Lifelessly, Chris tells her that all of the jewelry was gone and he starts to cry. She holds him for a while and gets him to tell her everything.

So Chris got to Corrine’s room to find that it was stripped: clothes, jewelry, pictures, books, everything was gone. They’d left, really left, not just to a party but for good. Chris went a little nutty, ripping the room up to try to find something, anything that Corrine could have left behind, but it was all gone, every trinket and ring and paperweight. Cathy tried to get him to take just one little thing so many times and he wouldn’t because he’d still believed in Corrine and now look. Cathy reassures him a little and gets him to go on. He finally looked in the last place, the bottom nightstand drawer, and there he finds Chris the Elder’s picture, his and Corrine’s marriage license, and Corrine’s wedding and engagement rings. Chris thinks that Corrine knew who was stealing from her and left that stuff on purpose, Cathy just thinks that Corrine no longer cares since she has Bart. Really, Cathy? You think the lesser cruelty? I’m with Chris: Corrine totally knew. Cathy knows that there’s more that Chris isn’t telling her, so he continues. Desperate now that he can’t steal from Corrine, Chris decides what the hell and decides to steal from Olivia. After all, she has all the jewelry that they saw her wearing at the Christmas party, as well as the brooches she’s always wearing (brooches for life, by the way) so he headed down the hall to the Grandmother’s room. Cathy immediately thinks that he saw Olivia naked which he and I are both like “Uh no Cathy, god”, but he DID see Olivia sans wig. She was awake, reading the Bible in bed, so he couldn’t steal from her, but he did hear her pray for forgiveness, noting in her prayer that she’s always done what she thought best. There’s a whole mess to unpack in THAT statement, Olivia.

Moving along, Chris headed down to the library, thanking his sister for her persistent questioning of Corrine, since that’s how he even knew the way. He sees the gaps in the shelves where Corrine had taken books up to them (and never took them back? Great cover up, Corrine) and sees six telephones on the Grandfather’s desk, all disconnected. Uh oh. Cathy is on edge, since she wants to hear all the details but she KNOWS that something awful is coming. And how. Chris went through the desk, finding all of the drawers unlocked and empty. Uh oh. He could see Malcolm’s room across the library and geared himself up to face him finally. Chris had a whole monologue prepared and everything but! when he went into the room it too was completely stripped. The hospital bed mattress was doubled up, the wheelchair was in a corner, and there was nothing on any surfaces, no hair brushes or anything. The whole room felt like it hadn’t been used in ages. Uh oh. Chris, thanks to Corrine’s stories, was able to locate the wall safe back in the library and went to try to crack it (thanks to television!) but was interrupted by footsteps. (Cathy, meanwhile: “The grandfather–why wasn’t he on the bed?” Uh, Cathy…) Chris hid behind a sofa but thought his time was up when he realized he’d left his flashlight in Malcolm’s room. The footsteps turned out to belong to a maid (Livvy) and good old John Amos the butler. Livvy is sure she heard something but John isn’t convinced so they glance around once and leave. Just as Chris was about to escape, however, they came back into the library and sit down right on the sofa Chris is hiding under.

Chris decides to try to take a nap through this but it’s a good thing he didn’t, he tells Cathy, since the pair has the most convenient conversation this side of an episode of Downton Abbey. Livvy insists that she did hear something and John reminds her that this very morning she was on about mice in the attic again, even though “that old bitch” has been taking tons of arsenic up there in picnic baskets to kill those mice. UH OH. Cathy is still not following, by the way. Livvy agrees that Olivia is the worst and that she’s seen Olivia in Malcolm’s old room just smiling oddly at his empty bed, seemingly gloating that he’s dead, and that she has all that money now. John points out that while Olivia has the money from her own family and is doing just fine, it’s Corrine that got all of the Foxworth millions from her father. Livvy notes that Malcolm did treat Corrine pretty badly before he died, but now she has all that money and her young hot husband, so she’s doing okay. John’s like well you’ve got me, don’t you? and then they totally fuck on the sofa poor Chris is hiding under. What the what. This is so damn random, AND really out of character for the John Amos that we meet in Garden of Shadows, I feel. (A lack of continuity? In a prequel? Why never, Megan, never.) Cathy is surprised that Livvy was actually into it and didn’t protest or anything (oh that’s healthy) and Chris describes it all a little over much, and then apparently JA and Livvy smoked some cigarettes and then did it again, which just blows Cathy’s mind.

Cathy is still not sure why exactly Chris is so upset and he’s like have you been listening to me. Well sure, Cathy says, jewels were gone, Momma and Bart skipped out, Grandmother wears a wig, we won’t have enough money in the outside but we’ll still be out, what am I missing here? Chris finally has to spell it out for her that Malcolm is dead and has been dead for almost a year.



For serious, dude. Cathy’s first reaction is happiness, they’re free now! Momma would inherit the money and they’d be free! But then reality sets in and she realizes that Corrine never told them, that she’d kept them up there anyway. Chris, making sure that Carrie (still asleep) can’t hear, reiterates what Cathy just figured out, that Corrine lied to them, that even after her father’s will was read nine months before she still left them up there. That Cory would be alive if they’d gotten out nine months ago. Cathy starts to cry but Chris tells her to hold it in since there’s still worse stuff to come. Good lord these kids. Cathy can’t hear anything worse, not yet, so Chris agrees that it can wait and promises her that they’re going to get out and get better and live amazing lives. Buoyed by this, Cathy thanks Chris for the breather and tells him to tell her the rest of it. She thinks that there’s nothing that he can say that will shock her any more than what he’s already said, but she is very wrong. The reason that Olivia gave the maids for not going into their room on those Fridays was because there were mice in the attic using the stairs to get down into the rest of the house. Olivia would subsequently leave picnic baskets of arsenic-laced food for the mice. Chris points out that arsenic is white and that if it was mixed with powdered sugar you’d never even taste it. Cathy doesn’t get why Olivia wouldn’t just poison them all at once and have done with it, Chris reminds her of some movie they’d watched where a woman slowly poisoned rich old men with arsenic because the symptoms were so hard to pin down and can look like food poisoning or PNEUMONIA. Cathy THEN comprehends that Cory died of arsenic poisoning. CATHERINE LEIGH DOLLANGANGER. You are disappointing me! Get with the program here!

Don't look at me like that, young lady.

Don’t look at me like that, young lady.

Chris is like well obviously Momma was lying about the pneumonia. And who knows if she ever even took Cory to the hospital? If she did they can’t have noticed anything suspicious or she’d be in jail. Cathy can’t believe that Corrine would just let Olivia poison them, so Chris determines that what they have to do is test a bit of remaining donut on Mickey. Cathy doesn’t want to since Mickey trusts them but Chris convinces her, reminding her that they’re dead if they don’t figure this out. So they do and yep, poor Mickey dies shortly thereafter. Chris thinks they should take Mickey and two of the donuts with them as evidence and Cathy agrees but can tell that Chris is STILL holding something back. Just get on with it, Christopher! You don’t have time for this! Chris can’t bear to tell her now, he wants to wait until they’re gone, and Cathy agrees so that they can all get some rest.

They lay around watching soap operas and Cathy notes that, much like themselves, people on soap operas never really go outside. They just sit around drinking martinis and just when they think that they’re going to be happy, the next big bad thing happens. Unbeknownst to the kids, Olivia has popped in and she tells Cathy that she’s exactly right about the real world: nothing ever works out the way you think it will. Then she leaves. Well okay, Olivia. I think she’s bored. After she leaves, Chris tries to comfort Cathy by telling that Olivia’s wrong, and just because nothing worked out for her, it doesn’t mean that it won’t for them. They shouldn’t leave trying to find perfection, but should settle for some small bit of happiness and therefore not be disappointed. Slap that one on a greeting card, Chris. Cathy isn’t hearing that, though, nope, she wants it all. She vows to herself that she’s in control of her life now, not God, not Chris, and she’s going to have everything she ever wanted and take what she wants when she wants it. Sounds like the perfect mindset for a bananas revenge epic, doesn’t it? Cathy thinks back on what a naive little kid she was when they arrived at Foxworth Hall and that now she’s “older than the mountains outside”. I like it. Let’s go with this.

Full of this new determination, Cathy gives Carrie a bath and forces her to drink some milk. She dresses her and they sit to wait until they’re going to make their escape. Cathy notes what belongings they’re taking with them: her and Chris’s fancy watches, the banjo and guitar, Corrine’s rings, Chris’s camera…she’s snapped out of this by the fear that if Olivia could sneak in and overhear Cathy’s comments from before, what’s to say that she hadn’t done that in the past and knows all about their escape plans? She asks Chris (though she almost doesn’t, afraid he’ll hesitate again) and he tells her that nothing’s stopping them this time. Still worried, Cathy goes up to the attic, caught up in nostalgia as she looks around at the flowers and swings, then she takes a piece of chalk and writes on the schoolroom’s blackboard:

“We lived in the attic,

Christopher, Cory, Carrie, and me,

Now there are only three.”

She signs her name and puts the date, then Chris calls up that it’s time to go. They use their wooden key and head out, planning to use any means necessary to get past John Amos and Olivia, if need be. Chris has the suitcases and Cathy has Carrie, who she notes only weighs a little more than she did that night they first arrived. The money is pinned inside their coats. They make it outside without any trouble and Cathy sets Carrie down so she can walk. Carrie, heartbreakingly, wants to know if they’re going to meet Cory, when Cathy reminds her that Cory is off in a beautiful garden, Carrie says that Cory won’t like it if she’s not there. Cathy pulls Carrie along, but not before Carrie looks back at the house and tells her sister that they need to hurry, since Cory is praying that they get away before Olivia sends someone to catch them. Thanks possible ghost-Cory? They make it to the train depot just in the nick of time and onto a train. As the train passes Foxworth Hall up on its hill, Cathy and Chris look up to see the far-off figure of Olivia as she stands in the window of their bedroom. Cathy wonders why she was up there so early and though Chris shrugs it off, Cathy wishes she could know Olivia’s thoughts as she searched the room and found no one there.

They arrive in Charlottesville and have a two-hour wait for the next bus to Sarasota. So as to keep on the move in case John Amos comes after them, they store the suitcases and instruments in a locker and walk around the city a bit. Cathy is heartened to find that people don’t stare at them the way she was afraid they would. They stop on a corner and Chris takes out the bag with Mickey and the donuts in it. Chris notes that if they go to the police then Cathy and Carrie won’t have to run since they’ll go into foster care, though he’s not sure what will happen to him. Cathy asks him to finally tell her his last bit of bad news and it turns out that Malcolm’s will had a codicil that he’d added in the days before he died, stating that if it was ever discovered that Corrine and Chris the Elder had any children, Corrine would lose the money and have to return everything purchased with said money. Not just that, but the same applied if Corrine had any children from her second marriage as well. Good god damn, Malcolm. Cathy realizes that this means it was Corrine, not Olivia who was poisoning them. Chris can’t be sure, but he heard Olivia praying and he doesn’t think that she’d do it herself. Oh, she’d carry the poison up to them and warn them not to eat it under the guise of “sugar is bad!” but she wouldn’t poison them herself. Cathy points out that Corrine was on her honeymoon when the donuts started coming, but Chris counters that nine months ago, when the will was read, Corrine was back. And only Corrine is affected by the will, Olivia has her own money.

Cathy wants to discuss a lot more, but with Carrie clinging to her she decides to wait. Chris hands Cathy the bag and tells her that it’s up to her. Time for some time in the mind of Cathy Dollanganger. Cathy wants revenge. She wants it more than anything, she wants to see Olivia and Corrine convicted of their crimes and locked away forever, she wants to see Corrine suffer the loss of her freedom and her money and Bart. She wonders if she should just let God deal with it all and thinks it’s unfair of Chris to put this on her shoulders. She wonders if it’s because he knows he’ll still forgive Corrine anything, that he’ll blame it on Malcolm and Olivia and forgive Corrine. Cathy wonders if there would ever be enough money in the world to make her kill her own children. She remembers how it was when Chris the Elder was alive, how happy they all were, how much Corrine loved them and she thinks that Malcolm and Olivia probably did know all the right ways to kill Corrine’s feelings. Cathy thinks about her mother, how Corrine once had four perfect children who thought that she was perfect too and now she had none and even if she never wanted Cathy back, she’d want Chris and Carrie and her future grandchildren and she’d have nothing. They can move forward from this and make their lives and when they see Corrine again they can ignore her. Decided now, Cathy throws the bag away. Chris tells her to say goodbye to the past (not gonna happen) and Cathy feels free enough to forget all about her revenge (DEFINITELY not gonna happen)  and they laugh and hug and promise Carrie that they’re going to see flowers soon.

The epilogue is short and Cathy is relieved to have told her story. Their lives were never easy, she tells us, (OH BOY NO) but she and Chris learned that they were survivors, even if it was different for poor Carrie, and “how we managed to survive–that’s another story.”

AND OH BOY IS IT. Thank y’all so much for sticking with me through this. We made it! Onward and upwards, I say, onto my absolute favorite Dollanganger book (and possibly my favorite V.C. Andrews book) the infinite wonder that is Petals on the Wind. Coming up: Creepy Dr. Paul! Ballet ballet ballet! Everyone tells Cathy to calm it down and she does! not! listen! Julian! More Bart and his mustache! The Great Cory Burial Debate returns! The other big mystery of the Dollangangers arrives! Dramatic dress recreations! All of this and more!

See y’all then!

Posted by: Megan | January 21, 2014

Flowers in the Attic: A Lifetime Movie Experience

Here. We. Go.

Here. We. Go.

There are too few opportunities in life to say, “I can’t believe they left out the blood-drinking!”.

Other than that, though, the Lifetime movie version of FitA was a pretty good time. They left in plenty of little moments that the ’80s version left out, and it was era-appropriate, and AND Christopher wasn’t the worst! (Although, having read the excerpt from Chris’s Diary on the Lifetime site, I can assure you that in the literary world he still is) So I took a bunch of notes and screen caps and I’m going to try to turn them into a cohesive recap for y’all right now.

I’m even using a cut because this is so very long

Posted by: Megan | January 19, 2014

Everybody’s SCREAMING

We return to our favorite kids just as Cory’s screaming bloody murder because why not? It’s Cory’s turn to scream (NOTE: I originally wrote “Cory’s urn to scream” which…TOO SOON) and Carrie immediately starts screaming too while Cathy tears up the stairs to him with their other siblings in tow. These kids are exhausting. Turns out that Cory is losing his mind because there’s a mouse caught in a mouse trap and he wants Cathy to save because he wants it as a pet. The mouse is trying to chew off its foot, Cory is weeping about how Chris and Cathy kill all the mice and all of his chances for love, and Carrie starts hitting Cathy and shrieking about how the older Cs don’t let Cory have ANYTHING EVER YOU’RE SO MEAN AND AWFUL I KNOW YOU GOT BEATEN IN OUR STEAD AND GAVE US ALL THAT FOOD AND BLOOD BUT CORY WANTS THIS DAMN MOUSE YOU HARPY

Okay, okay, I get that the twins are little kids, and as such won’t have the best grasp of the greater concepts of sacrifice and whatnot, but damn twins, that’s some overreacting. Chris silences everyone with a manly roar (HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA) and picks up the mouse to try and help it. Much brattiness later (the mouse is still after Chris takes it out of the trap so Carrie hits him, Cory announces that he’s naming the mouse Mickey (what no C) and Chris points out that it might be a girl mouse and Cory is not having that) the mouse lives. I know you’re all super relieved. While this episode of “All Creatures Great and Small” is going on, the Grandmother walks in to bring them their rations. Oooops. A ton of rules are being broken: everyone’s in their PJs, the room’s trashed, Chris is helping Carrie get dressed in the other room, it’s a forbidden mess and everyone freezes. Chris chooses to ignore Olivia entirely and just unpacks the pic-a-nic basket like it’s no thing, while Olivia, rather than freak out on them, just watches. This doesn’t sit well with Cathy, who is rightfully suspicious of any change in Olivia’s behavior. Chris goes up to the attic to find a birdcage for Mickey and it’s only when he returns with it that Olivia speaks, asking what’s up with the mouse. Cathy informs her that Cory has a pet now and Olivia doesn’t even argue, just makes some comment about how a mouse suits them (…okay?) and leaves. It’s like she doesn’t care what they do anymore! It’s like she thinks they’re on their way out or something?


Eventually Cory tames Mickey and they’re BFFs and I guess Mickey didn’t know those two mice that the kids almost ate that time, and having Mickey around even starts to give Cory the slightest bit of independence from Carrie, so it’s all turning out okay! Well we all know that can’t last.

OH MY GOD. The very next chapter begins with Cathy telling us that she and Chris never talk about that night they made out, but that they’re both growing and changing all the more and this one time she totally caught Chris measuring his dick. CHRISTOPHER DOLLANGANGER. CHILDREN LIVE WITH YOU. THEY LIVE WITH YOU IN THE SAME ROOM. THEY ARE NEVER MORE THAN 20 FEET AWAY FROM YOU. LOCK SOME GODDAMN DOORS BEFORE YOU MEASURE YOUR FRAKKING DICK. I want to die. I really do. PLUS he tells Cathy that he’s measuring his penis because he once saw their dad’s and felt inadequate.

I can’t. I CANNOT. Guys. YOU GUYS. Why. No one in this family has boundaries. No one. Look, I don’t know what boys go through with this sort of thing, I freely acknowledge that. But how long has Chris the Elder been dead? Three years, maybe? And when did this comparison happen? Chris has been going around with this penis envy for years and years and feels the need STILL to try and measure up? There is so much to unpack there. He can’t just want to be tall like his dad or something? It has to be penis size? Is he using a ruler? Burn that ruler.

ANY. WAY. This all leads to Cathy realizing how much the twins have failed to grow and she and Chris try to sneak them out onto the rooftop for some sun while the twins are napping. This does not go well. More screaming. When they’re all back indoors Cathy manages to measure the twins’ heights (PLEASE GOD BE USING A DIFFERENT MEASURING TAPE) and to her horror, they’ve only grown two inches in the years since they’ve been there. Now everyone’s in a bad mood, the twins for the whole rooftop thing, Chris and Cathy because the twins are obviously not okay and they all wander downstairs to watch soap operas and eat lukewarm soup.

And then Corrine walks in.

And not just walks in, of course, swans in all Vera Adare, with more exclamation points than me and a fox-fur coat, trilling about how much she MISSED them and how she DREAMED about them and all the PRESENTS she’s brought them and aren’t they so happy to see her?? She even makes extra sure to note that she had to be so so careful buying their presents since it’s so suspicious for her to be buying kids’ presents, right? Right?? Chris is the one who stands up first and tells her that of course they missed her, but she shouldn’t have been gone so long, no matter what was going on with her. Since he’s not fawning over her every word, Corrine immediately knows something’s up and asks if anything went wrong while she was gone. UMMMMM. Chris has had enough of this for ONCE, so he lets her have it. Of course stuff went wrong. They all live in one room! He and Cathy aren’t little kids anymore to be placated with presents! Look how tiny the twins are! On and on until Corrine’s like “But you haven’t stopped loving me, right??” and Chris admits that no, he hasn’t, but come on! He doesn’t want out tomorrow or next month or next year: they all want out TODAY, money or not. Corrine’s reaction is, naturally, to glare at Cathy since everything is a weird competition with these people, and to tell Chris to be quiet since he’s obviously not himself. Cathy starts up then, telling her mother to really look at all of them and see how sick they are. Corrine isn’t here for reality, though, so she lets loose a bit herself, telling them that she’s trying her BEST and giving them EVERYTHING and her dad is literally about to die any SECOND and can’t they all just think about how nice all that money would be??

Cathy wants to give her some more hell and tell her about what Olivia did to them, but Chris glares at her (god damn it) and she stops. Corrine starts crying and laying on the “Ohhh you awful kids” and Chris and Cathy give in and try to console and and hug her, but she pushes them away and tells them all ice queen to open their presents and THEN tell her that she doesn’t love them. Oh shut UP, Corrine. She bought Chris some encyclopedias and while Cathy’s first thought is how much money that cost that they could have been saving to escape, it’s clear that Chris is won over. Corrine doesn’t tell Cathy what her gifts are, nor does she stay to watch them open the stuff up, she marches out with some crap about how she’ll come back when they’re nice to her. She never even touches the twins. Those poor babies immediately come to Cathy, worried that they’re weird and unlovable and to calm them down Cathy pretends to be happy and excited over their presents. They open everything up and at first it’s great: books and puzzles and games and maple-sugar candy, but as things settle down Cathy starts to see the truth of it all. The books are all ones they’ve read already. Chris needs to shave and Cathy needs a bra and there’s nothing like that in there. None of the clothes for the older Cs fit. Cathy loves maple-sugar candy, but she can’t bring herself to eat any. And that’s when Chris starts to make fun of her.

Yeah. He mocks her for being a grump and denying herself the candy, telling her that no matter how upset she gets, they’ll be here till Malcolm dies anyway, and she won’t have had any candy. Eat shit, Christopher. When Cathy tries on all her new dresses and finds that they don’t fit, Chris laughs at her and tells her that she should get a bra and a girdle. SET HIM ON FIRE. Cathy loses it then and screams at him about how sometimes she hates Corrine (only sometimes?) and that she thinks they’d be better off DEAD and then she runs off into the attic and dances some angry ballet. Whatever works, I guess. When the music ends she considers throwing herself out of the window and then they’d all be SORRY, but then she reconsiders that maybe they wouldn’t be, so she scraps that plan. She lays out on the roof for a while (in a tutu, no less) and eventually Chris comes out and lays down with her and tells her to never talk that way again. He has doubts too, he tells her, but they have to keep it together. And that’s when the big realization hits, folks:

“And that’s when it came over me in a cataclysmic flood—I loved Chris, and he was my brother.”

Yup. There it is. She is majorly, totally, butt-crazy in love with Chris*. She wisely doesn’t bring this up, just tells him that maybe it’s time they take a little initiative about their situation. Ten days go by before Corrine comes back and when she does C&C are appropriately apologetic, having realized that they have to keep sweet if they have any real chance of getting out of there. Corrine naturally sweeps it all away once she has her way again and wants them to guess what her super awesome sparkly news is. Malcolm’s dead? Nope. Malcolm’s in the hospital? Nope. And don’t talk like that because Corrine sort of likes him again now. WHAT. Corrine you are bananas crazy. Cathy’s like just tell us then we don’t care. So she tells them and guess what it is! She got married. She married that guy with the sweet ‘stache from the Christmas party (Bart) and omg he’s so AMAZING and we went to EUROPE and I’m sure you’ll all love him and he’ll love you too!

He'll love at least one of them, all right.

He’ll love at least one of them, all right.


Corrine seems to realize that they’re less than thrilled and she hastens to explain that she still loves their dad, but she was lonely and stuff. Cathy fakes some congrats, which encourages Corrine to tell them all about how Bart never wanted to get married and Malcolm was going to forbid it anyway, but he likes Bart and it all worked out and blah blah blah. Cathy points out that while most of the gifts Corrine brought them were from Europe, the candy was from Vermont, so is Bart from Vermont? Corrine laughs at that (oh that hilarious Vermont?) and says no, but one of his sisters lives there and they visited her, and that he has two other sisters living in the South. In fact, Bart’s from the South, he’s from some little town in South Carolina. Even though she makes sure to mention that he sounds like a Yankee. Whatever, Corrine. She attempts to talk to the twins about their presents, but they don’t know her any more and barely speak. Cathy asks if Bart knows about them. Well obviously not, though she’s totally going to tell him when her father dies, really! Cathy does not think so.

UGH now for the stupidest scene. So Chris and Cathy are in the attic reading some 19th-century romance novel together and it has some symbolic unhappy ending, which Cathy hates. She also hates how idealistic and mushy the characters were and that Chris assumes that a woman wrote it because men think women only write romantic garbage. Chris gets all don’t ask me about how men act! I am alone with my feelings! How do I become a man? And who cares. Then they check each other out a bit and then Cathy decides that what Chris needs to feel like a man is…a haircut! Kay. And so she gives him a haircut (THRILLING) and it’s a Prince Valiant bowl cut, for the love of god. After she’s done Chris starts teasing her about cutting off all of HER hair and starts chasing her around with scissors (SMART LIKE A DOCTOR) and surprise! they trip and fall and he cuts her with them. Luckily it’s not a puncture, and Chris cleans it up and bandages it. Okay good. So now go downstairs, you two. Chris feels guilty and starts to cry, so Cathy holds his face to her chest. Go. Downstairs. They decide to lay on the attic floor in some sunbeams instead. Argh. Some inappropriate touching happens, but when Cathy starts babbling about the book they read and sex and stuff Chris comes to his senses and tells her that brothers don’t think of their sisters as girls, pretty or not. YES GOOD. They go downstairs, thank god.

FINALLY these children decide they need an escape plan that doesn’t involve the roof. What they need is a copy of their room key, and they determine that stealing Corrine’s will be easiest since she doesn’t like pockets on her clothes and leaves the key all over. Corrine is coming by two or three times a month now, still basically ignoring the twins and bringing everyone clothes that don’t fit. When Cathy mentions that they’ve all been getting sick lately, headaches and stomach cramps, she tells them to keep the food in the attic where it’ll stay cold and suck it up. She tells them about cruises and shopping trips to New York City because she is the worst character in fiction and while Cathy keeps her babbling along Chris steals her key and makes a mold of it in a bar of soap. YES. Forward momentum! He later makes a wooden replica of the key and there is much rejoicing. Though they don’t leave immediately because Chris knows that they’re going to need money to get anywhere, so what they need to do is start stealing it from their mother since she’s terrible with money. He starts sneaking into the swan room and finding all manner of tens and twenties all over the place because Corrine is just terrible. It’s taking a toll on what faith in Corrine he has left though, since sneaking into her room means seeing all of the expensive clothing and jewelry she has. Chris tells Cathy to come with him the next time and she realizes that she can since the twins sleep all the time now and won’t wake up and freak out that the older kids are gone. That’s so sad. So sneak down to Corrine’s room they do.

Naturally once they’re there Cathy can’t help but go through Corrine’s closets and she realizes how much Chris kept back from his descriptions after the Christmas party. Cathy decides to have a little fun with the whole experience and puts on some of Corrine’s stockings and a bra and a fancy black dress, then she goes to town with makeup and perfume. She comes out to show Chris, making a real reveal of it and he tells her she looks like a prostitute. Fun times. Cathy’s like “whatever” and goes to take it all off and we find out she’s wearing seventeen bracelets, twenty-six rings, a tiara, three necklaces, and giant dangling diamond earrings. What kind of prostitutes has Chris seen? She puts everything back, though she does steal a plain bra for herself. Throughout all of this, Chris has been looking for money, and figuring that he’s done this enough to not need help, Cathy turns her attention to the bedside table drawers. It’s all night cream and paperback books at first, then she finds a big hardcover called How to Create Your Own Needlework Designs. Cathy is interested in this so she flips it open and welp, it’s a sex book. Full-page pictures, nice instructive text, the whole deal. Cathy just pages through it in shock until Chris comes up to see what her deal is and then he has to flip through it page by page too. What a bonding moment. Eventually they realize they need to get out of there, so they put the book away and sneak their way back to their room, where they get ready for bed in an awkward silence and eventually manage to go to sleep.

Well that was wordy, huh? Coming up: The END we have reached the END! That just brings me closer to Petals, which I love so dear. But before then a whole lot of sad unfortunate stuff happens, because this book has one hell of a conclusion.

The new movie is on TV tonight! I’m hoping that it’s available online shortly thereafter so that I can make screencaps and have a recap up with a quickness, so fingers crossed that Lifetime has my back in this. Why wouldn’t they, right? So look for that and the final FitA recap here soon!

*oh my god I’m so sorry Cher 

Posted by: Megan | December 24, 2013

Enter the Weirdness

Part II starts with a time jump. Yes really. Another year goes by, ostensibly full of barre exercises, reading lessons, and awkward gazing. As do all of our years, right? Chris and Cathy have started laying out on the attic roof between the corner where two wings meets and they can’t be seen (though they’re careful only to do it when the servants are off) in order to get sunshine and air, but the twins freak right the hey out when their siblings try to take them out too, so no Vitamin D for them. Oh and they’re likely doing this naked because Cathy telling us about the roof visits is immediately followed by the admission that they’re not being as careful about modesty and the rules as they should be. Cathy realizes that she’s a teenager and has no idea what a naked woman looks like, so one day while Chris and the twins are in the attic she strips and starts to do ballet positions in front of the mirror. Sure, okay.

Naturally she feels the prickly sense of creep on the back of her neck and there’s Chris in the shadows watching her. Oh boy. Part II just goes right for it, huh? There’s a lot of super inappropriate once-overs and Cathy’s not sure how to react because she doesn’t want to seem like a prude and have Chris make fun of her. BOUNDARIES. BOUND. A. RIES. You’re allowed to grab a towel! You’re allowed to yell at him! I just…I…okay. I know I’ve talked about this before and I honestly don’t want this to become the “Megan preaches about power dynamics” blog, but this is the shit that makes me wince when I read someone’s search query about when Chris and Cathy “make love” in this book. I will grant that in later books their relationship changes a bit (though it’s never really any healthier, even setting aside the whole SIBLINGS aspect) but in this first book it is all Chris-is-a-creeper, all the time. Cathy thinks that it’d be depriving Chris of something if she covers herself up! Yes, she gets into it eventually (argh what a sentence) but she’s still scared of the grandmother, scared of what’s happening, and even scared of Chris a little and yet she STILL feels like she’s the bad guy for shutting this down. You’re not, Cathy.


Cathy holds her dress up in front of herself, Chris wonders aloud how she’s gotten so pretty, and then OF COURSE the Grandmother walks in. This won’t be good. Olivia starts hissing about sinners and hellfire and asks Cathy how many times she’s let Chris “use” her body GAH and naturally Cathy has no idea what that means (though it’s clear from his blushing that Chris does). Olivia starts fixating on Cathy’s pretty hair (uh oh) and Chris stands up for them, denying that they’ve done anything wrong and calling Olivia the wicked one for always assuming the worst, grossest things. Olivia storms out then, but both of the big kids know that it’s not over. The twins come downstairs to watch TV while their siblings wait for the door to open again. Sure enough, Olivia comes back, but not with the whip that Cathy was expecting–with a giant pair of scissors.


Olivia orders Cathy to come to her, saying that she’s going to cut off all of Cathy’s hair as punishment for her pride. Cathy is horrified, both because she loves her hair and has been growing it since her father said that he liked it, and because she’s had numerous nightmares about this very thing. And because her crazy grandmother is wielding giant scissors, that must be pretty scary too. Chris threatens Olivia with one of the chairs, telling her that she’s not touching a hair on Cathy’s head. Olivia is less than impressed and gives them an ulitimatum: Cathy loses the hair or else no food or milk for a week. Cathy tries to plead that the twins haven’t done anything wrong and that Chris didn’t walk in on her on purpose (HA) so Cathy alone should be punished without food. Besides, there’s no way that Corrine will let this happen anyway, right? Cathy doesn’t have a lot of faith in her mother, though, since Corrine hasn’t visited in ages AND her visits have been further and further apart anyway. Mother of the Century.

Olivia isn’t here for Cathy’s arguments and just repeats her terms: Chris cuts off Cathy’s hair or else none of them eat for a week. Chris refuses and Olivia leaves, putting the scissors up on the dresser. Chris tries to cheer his sister up, reminding her that they have some food squirreled away in the attic and that they can save what they’d already been given for today. That night Cathy has a succession of awful nightmares and she wakes up to discover that her head has been covered in tar. Yeah. You read that right. Her HEAD has been COVERED in HOT TAR. Good lord, Olivia. Once Chris has calmed Cathy down from her justified freak out they put the pieces together: Olivia’d snuck in while they were sleeping, stuck Cathy with a needle full of something to knock her out, then gathered all of her hair on top of her head and poured the tar over it. Who the hell just has tar?? This is some fucked up stuff, I’m sorry. I mean…damn. C & C calm lil’ C & C down and send them off to watch TV while Chris attempts to do something about this whole mess. Cathy sits in the tub all day while Chris pours various things into the water (at one point encouraging her to pee in it since the ammonia might help oh my GOD) while the twins whisper twinly in a corner and eventually he’s able to get the tar out, though it takes lots of Cathy’s hair with it and what’s left is brittle and almost-white.

The grandmother doesn’t come back, though. To try and trick her in case she checks on them, Chris cuts off the front of Cathy’s hair and they hide the rest in a scarf, hoping that Olivia will just assume that Cathy’s embarrassed, but she never comes and their food starts to run out. Not only is there no food incoming, Olivia also stops bringing soap and clean linens and toilet paper, leading the kids to resort to using pages torn from books. Naturally then the toilet backs up, though they do manage to fix it. These poor kids, man. They drink water from the sink and sleep most of the days in order to stave off the hunger, but eventually Chris is forced to feed the twins his own blood. I MEAN COME ON. That’s intense. I don’t care for Christopher, I don’t think that’s a secret, but damn, that’s love right there. I still don’t want to read a book from his POV though. Cathy refuses to drink the blood and the two of them decide that when the moment’s right, they’ll each tie a twin to themselves and try to make it out of the windows. In order to gain strength for this, Chris skins the mice that they’ve caught in their traps and leaves to get salt and pepper, with Cathy remaining with the twins. But! When Chris comes back to the attic, he’s got food! Lots of food too, milk and soup and sandwiches, AND, surprise surprise, four powdered sugar donuts. Cathy is amazed that Olivia would give them sweets, but wonders if it’s her way of making amends. Yeah… not so much with that.

As they’re feeding the twins, Cathy comes to the realization that while she and Chris were just playing house with the twins before this ordeal, that’s all changed now. She and Chris are the twins’ parents, in every way that matters, especially since it now seems clear that Corrine doesn’t care about them. It appears that Chris knows this too, having even put away the picture of Corrine that he’d kept beside his bed. (UGH CHRIS) When they head back downstairs they discover that Olivia has smashed all of their mirrors. Such dramatics, Olivia. Days go by and their food, including donuts, comes regularly again. The twins are obviously not ever going to be the same, but Cathy tries to keep everyone’s spirits up. One night after the twins are asleep, Chris suggests to Cathy that the two of them try to sneak out and go swimming in the nearby lake that Corrine had once mentioned.




If you can leave the attic, THEN GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE. I know the twins flip out when you try to take them on the roof, but come ON. Going swimming, I swear to god. (although, from the trailers, it seems like this scene is going to be in the new movie, so that’s cool. Details!)

ANYHOW. So they make it down and go swimming in their underwear (Chris is maybe ever so slightly disappointed that they’re not skinny-dipping), then they have a long talk about fireflies and their parents and love at first sight and Cathy checks out Chris’s legs (STOP THAT) and eventually the conversation turns to where Chris thinks their mother might be. He obviously doesn’t want to talk about it and gets irritated when Cathy wants to know if he still loves Corrine. He says that he does, and that he still has faith that she’s coming back. Oh Chris. Cathy’s unimpressed and decides they should go back. On the way back they realize that this little jaunt has given them back some hope and Cathy points out that this means that they don’t have to wait for their mother and can leave at any time. THANK you. Chris doesn’t want to talk about that. Of course. So they head back up their rope of sheets and because they were just talking about hope and escaping, that’s Cathys’ cue to slip and lose her footing as she’s making her way back up, and though she makes it up in the end, she’s (understandably) shaken. Lord know we can’t have too much hope.

One day a bit later Chris and Cathy are hanging out in their bedroom while it’s rainy and gross outside. Chris is looking out of the window, which isn’t allowed, and Cathy is daydreaming about her perfect future, which involves a lot of emerald bathtubs and ballet dancing. Cool cool. Cathy wants to know why, since they’re stronger now, they don’t try to leave, but Chris doesn’t want to hear it. We find out that Corrine has been MIA for two months. Chris asks Cathy where she’d most like to go and then rants a little about all of the rules they have to live under, and how the only thing that keeps him going sometimes is thinking about the money. Cathy’s like “There is no amount of money worth all of this” and Chris bitches at her that while she might be able to get by on her talent, HE has to go to med school and that costs MONEY, which, your little brother and sister were drinking your BLOOD two weeks ago, maybe money isn’t everything? He wants to know how exactly he’s supposed to support all of them if they run away and Cathy insists she’ll help, and Chris gets in a nasty bit of “What can you do, worthless girl” before Olivia walks in and demands that he get away from the window. He yells at her and they have some words, where she tells him that she hates his name because it was the name of the man who stole her daughter and Chris the Elder and Corrine’s actions were what caused Malcolm’s heart problems; Chris doesn’t care and calls her a hypocrite, then she leaves. Cathy rightfully notes that this can’t possibly end well and Chris points out that since Olivia is scared of the attic, they’ll just hide there. Oh but she’s back already, with a switch, and tells him that if they hide in the attic she’ll starve them again, then whip them all.

Chris allows her to whip him so that she’ll leave the others alone, but when Cathy can’t stop screaming Olivia comes over and demands that she strip and get whipped too. Cathy does so, but not before warning her grandmother that a time will come when she is just as helpless as Cathy is now, and Cathy will have the power.



Oh hey, there you are. So Olivia beats Cathy and it’s terrible and she passes out, and when she wakes up Chris has sent the twins up to the attic to play and he and Cathy take care of each other’s injuries. And then they make out a little. Yeah. Cathy stops it before anything really unfortunate can happen and swears that nothing ever will, though she’s not 100% confident about that. Noooo Cathy, you can do it! That night she dreams about Sleeping Beauty and finding her prince and thinks that there has to be some other prince for her.

One that’s not her brother.

Oh boy.

Thank y’all again for 2013! Have a very Merry Christmas if that’s your thing, and a very Happy Holidays if it’s not.

OMG YOU GUYS IT’S ALMOST TIME FOR THE NEW MOVIE. As a bonus, here’s a screencap I took of the ’80s version, which I apparently titled “holyshitahouse”. Oh me.

Will the new version include such staring?

Will the new version include such staring?

Coming up: Cory gets a pet! Chris finally sasses Corrine! Chris hates makeup! Carrie…is around! AND GUYS SALLY DRAPER IS CATHY DOLLANGANGER

See you then!

Posted by: Megan | December 19, 2013

Five Years! Five Years!

I just wanted to take a moment on this, the FIFTH ANNIVERSARY of my very first recap post* to say a huge, giant, incredible THANK YOU to each and every one of y’all. When I started writing this blog, I had no idea if anyone past the friends I needled would ever read this, and every single comment and view and like and link is an absolute surprise for which I am so very grateful. You guys have put up with absences and lost books and stress and my run-on sentences and penchant for CAPS, and it’s just so awesome that you do!

So here’s to FIVE (FIVE!!!) years of bad parenting, inappropriate sibling-ing, secret pregnancies, and Swamp Thing.

Y’all are the very best!

*the technical first post was earlier, but I decided to go with this one. Plus, I like 19s.

Posted by: Megan | November 19, 2013

It’s Only Been a Year?

Cathy has drifted off to sleep after Chris went off exploring in his Charlie McCarthy cosplay (I use only topical references) and she gets woken up in possibly the most frightening way–shaken and yelled at by an angry (and probably drunk? I mean, it’s a Christmas party) Corrine.  Cathy tells her mother where Chris has gone since they never lie to Momma, and, really, how much of a lie could she tell? There’s a finite number of places where Christopher could be hiding. I mean, he’s not Cory.



Too soon for you to show up, you mean. So Cathy tells Corrine that Chris is out wandering the halls and Corrine is less than thrilled with this information. She starts cursing under her breath and lays some guilt on her daughter, all “Oh I thought you two loved me, but you betrayed me and now I’m never going to let you out again!” which is…harsh stuff. Cathy points out that she and Chris did exactly what their mom asked–they were super quiet in the chest after all, and Momma can’t say that she’ll never let them out because she has to let them out eventually, right? About that. This awkward moment is interrupted by Chris’s return as he tries to sneak in all quiet-like and is alarmed to see their mom there waiting for him. Fun fact–this happened to me once in high school. Sat on my bed to take off my shoes all proud of myself for sneaking in and then in walked my mother. Secret agent I am not. ANYHOW, Corrine greets her son with a couple of rousing slaps to the face and threatens to whip him AND Cathy if he ever does this again (are the twins just sleeping right through all of this?) and Cathy is mightily freaked out by this side of her mother. Cathy starts to realize that her mom has been changing this whole time–she doesn’t come to visit as often anymore, she’s yelling and hitting them, she’s locked her children in an attic–but the situation defuses/gets weirder when Corrine comes back to herself and starts kissing all over Chris’s face and snuggling him against her bosom, apologizing all the while. Cathy makes sure to note that even at Chris’s age he must kinda like it a little and GOD CATHY STOP THAT.

Corrine tells them that she’s so so sorry and will never do it again, but that they can’t ruin everything now because things are starting to go their way again. The kids forgive her and try to find out what exactly’s going their way, but Corrine has to get back to the party and off she goes. What a night, man. After she leaves Chris and Cathy spoon for a while on one of the beds (these kids) and Cathy lets loose with a lot of her suspicions. Like how Corrine is always talking about how they need money to leave, but she’s always wearing fancy new clothes and tons of jewelry and how she waited until her father had bought her a TV so that she could pass it along, rather than buying one for the kids earlier, and while I think the TV thing is a little shaky, I tend to agree with Cathy on this one. Chris, naturally, defends Corrine, pointing out that if she’d bought them a TV right away they would have just mouldered away in front of it rather than making paper flowers in the attic and using their imaginations. I’m so sure that was your mom’s intention, Christopher. He notes that they’ve all changed since living there, but won’t explain when Cathy presses. She puts that aside for the time being and asks him to describe what he saw on his adventure, not leaving out a thing. So:

The house is huge, “like a hotel”, with fourteen rooms on their floor alone, and all of them are super decorated and full of expensive things. Chris watched the party from one of the landings for a while and saw their grandparents leaving, then had to hide behind a suit of armor (which large Virginia estates love) when he heard their mother and her date (Bart, it’s Bart, I’m calling him Bart, the kids keep acting like they don’t know that but they do) coming up the stairs. Bart wanted to see the fancy bed that Corrine has in her room (I’m so sure, Bart) and Chris glosses over what happened next, but Cathy can tell he’s doing that and makes him tell her that he saw Bart and Corrine making out. Cathy needs clarification that Bart got to second base like she saw their Dad do one time (CATHY) and Chris admits that he did. Ew, guys. So anyway Corrine told Bart about how her bedroom set used to be her grandmother’s, who was not the best woman, and that when Corrine moved back to the house her parents figured she was bad enough already, so she could just have her slutty grandma’s bed. THIS FAMILY.

ASIDE: I kind of like that we never get Original Corrine’s back story. There’s no tragic childhood, no sad marriage, nothing like that. Just: she married Garland, they had Malcolm, she had an affair, she left. Sucks, but it happens, and that is that. It’s no excuse for Malcolm’s weird obsession with her, but I honestly enjoy the relief of just your garden-variety “bad mom”. Now watch me have forgotten some factoid from Seeds of Yesterday or something.

And we’re back: Corrine and Bart moved on and Christopher continued exploring, eventually finding Corrine’s room (I guess she and Bart were gone already) and it’s 110 degrees of opulent bananas. The carpet is mauve and it’s so thick you sink to your ankles! There are 4-foot tall crystal lamps with black shades! An ivory chaise lounge (Noooo not another chaise lounge!) covered in rose velvet, “like something you’d see in a Roman orgy” like how do you know that Christopher, and, of course: the swan bed. Lemme let Chris take this one.

“In the center of the room, on a dais, was the fabulous swan bed! Oh! What a bed! [thanks for the commentary Little Nemo] …It has a sleek ivory head, turned in profile, and appears ready to plunge its head under the ruffled underside of a lifted wing….The designers arranged for the wingtip feathers to act as fingers, and they hold back the delicate, transparent draperies that are in all shades of pink and rose, and violet, and purple.”

That’s one hell of a bed, there, Corrine. The swan bed in the movie was SO disappointing, I am eagerly looking forward to the Lifetime one, if only to get a better swan bed. Cathy knows that Chris saw more than he’s telling her, but she lets it go and they say good night.

The next few months they basically watch TV all the time. No, really. It’s too cold to go in the attic so they sit around and watch TV all day. The twins love it and Cory is even happen to watch the static that comes on after the stations sign off, which is just the saddest thing. The television starts to give the kids a whole passel of issues: they’re paranoid about cleaning the room, about never having dandruff, things like that; and Cathy, about to turn 13, is terrified she’s going to wake up covered in acne. She also starts tweezing all of her underarm hair which, ouch, and Chris calls her out on it one day, noting in his know-it-all style that she can’t keep the hairs from coming. He also says they’re sexy, which CHRIS STOP. Cathy thinks that’s nuts, since hair isn’t sexy, boobs are, and y’know what? There’s a lot of awkward puberty stuff and gazing and Cathy not getting why Chris is wetting the bed (AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH) so we all know it’s happening and we’re moving along.

The twins just want to watch TV and complain a lot that they can’t have the snacks that kids on TV have, and they want to know why Corrine doesn’t visit much anymore. Cathy doesn’t know what to tell them and it hurts her. She and Chris watch a lot of soap operas and decide that’s what growing up must be like. Cathy also notices that the twins aren’t comfortable with their mother when she does visit, instead they run to Cathy’s arms and sit with her whilst Corrine fusses over Christopher. The dynamics are definitely just getting weirder and weirder, huh? Cathy’s birthday comes and Corrine teaches her how to do crewel embroidery and I love embroidery y’all, but not READING ABOUT IT, so I wish some of that fabled FitA drama would hurry along and get here. (For all that this is an infamous book about scandalous things, there is a LOT of downtime in it) The twins’ birthday is next and we get a few bits of Corrine’s back story when she notices Cory’s musical talent. See, both of her brothers were musicians, which her father despised and considered weak, so her oldest brother Mal built himself a cabin in the mountains where he’d go to compose. And then one day he took a curve too fast on his motorcycle and died. Oh. That left second brother Joel, who was close to Mal (but not like the rest of this family) and left after his brother’s funeral, going off to Europe. Joel got a job with an orchestra, but then he died in a skiing accident, though his body was never found (DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNNNN).

Cathy’s like, wow this family sucks, and once Corrine leaves the kids all head upstairs immediately to get away from that cheerful cloud of family nonsense. She and Chris decide that they’re going to teach the twins to read, which results in some predictable screaming, and oh my god then it’s summer. This needs a montage, for serious. Corrine just brings up whatever books she can find in the library without regard for reading levels, so Cathy and Chris end up reading all sorts of stuff, namely a historical novel that gets them talking about whether nudity was sinful in the past too, and there’s some low-level weirdness about turning into men and women before Cathy broaches the subject of whether or not their mom sucks. The answer is yes, obviously, but Chris refuses to see that and defends her, claiming that she’s doing her best. Cathy realizes that Corrine is still all perfection in Chris’s eyes, even though at one point a whole week goes by before she comes up to see them. This visit she comes with the news that her father is very sick (though she doesn’t seem as glad about it as Cathy is) and tells them that he’ll be dead soon. Cathy is pretty ecstatic and goes around singing hymns of glee before Corrine reappears to say nope, he pulled through, sorry. And then she’s gone again. That’s a lot of stairs to hang out for a minute, Corrine. I would’ve thought you’d be too lazy. Cathy puts the twins to bed, since Corrine is never there to do it anymore, and marks another day off on their calendar. They’ve been in the attic for a year.

That’s the end of Part I of the book, so I’m gonna close this recap up there too. AND immediately start working on the next one because y’all deserve better, honestly. And the new movie! The new movie, guys!! I posted the trailer over on the Facebook page, but it looks like we lost that version, so here’s another one:

I’m pretty psyched about it, I won’t lie.

Coming up next time: Another time jump (seriously), and the REAL drama starts. You know what I’m talking about. Tar! Blood-drinking! Ballet! Oh this book. Here we go.


Posted by: Megan | August 5, 2013

Chapters like Hours

I’m sorry, but was it not just April? JFC.

The chapter that starts this next section (I section off the books in highly optimistic chunks when I reread them) is called “Minutes Like Hours” and the text bears that out, that’s for damn sure. So the kids are bored. They wake up and eat their cold gross eggs, they play board games or read chapters of the Bible (they’re supposed to memorize verses and get quizzed by Olivia, but of course they memorize whole chapters to sass at her because they’re sassy), they clean their room, they take a lot of baths. Rinse and repeat. In the evenings Corrine comes by with presents and to evade the nagging of her older children. Well, of Cathy, anyway. They play up in the attic and listen to records and the twins throw some tantrums and we learn about everyone’s underwear and OH MY GOD it’s like we’re there. Oh, and apparently all non-citrus fruit causes Carrie to have tummy troubles and it’s Cathy who has to hand wash all of the aforementioned underwear when this happens, unless she can run Carrie to the bathroom in time, and while this happens Chris LAUGHS. He LAUGHS. So that’s one of the reasons why Cathy is a touch on edge when Corrine shows up all windswept and “Oh I’ve been saaaaaaaaaaailing”. Cathy is understandable angry with their mother (this will be a running theme. I should just copy/paste that phrase) and Chris is just the worst thing and just loooooves their mom’s outfit and doesn’t she look greaaaaaaat and ugh Christopher. No. Well, turns out that Corrine wasn’t entirely honest with her oldest kids–there was a note from the Grandfather on the bottom of Olivia’s letter, and it said simply that the ONLY good thing about Corrine and Chris-the-Elder’s marriage was that it didn’t produce any “Devil’s issue”. Oooops. Corrine was just SO SURE that once her dad saw how peachy her kids were that he’d be totally fine with the whole thing, but that’s seeming less and less likely what with the whole Devil thing. They’re there ’till he dies, in short. Unless she can convince him! Because maybe she still can!

Sure thing, Corrine. Sure thing.

So now the older kids know that they’re going to be there a while so the effort to make the attic a super fancy funland begin in earnest. Dress up! They scrub everything! They get plants! Corrine can’t hang out even though she wants to because people get suspicious (I’m so sure)! Corrine brings them craft supplies and the kids make flowers and mushrooms and other colorful decorations for the attic, including Carrie’s red and purple worm and Cory’s big orange snail. Aw, the cuties. Cathy quizzes Corrine about everything she’s ostensibly learning in her secretarial classes, but their mom is not super forthcoming about that. Hmmmmmm I wonder why that could be? God Corrine, why are you so awful? More days go by. The kids prefer to stay up in the attic since Olivia never spies on them up there, because, we learn from Corrine, Olivia used to be locked in a closet by her parents as a punishment, leaving her with claustrophobia. Yikes. The grandmother seems to be softening sometimes, even giving them some chrysanthemums for their “garden”, but these moments are short-lived.

Cathy has a little breakdown one day since she, rather rightfully, thinks that her life is passing her by, but Chris convinces her to work for the day that they get out of the attic and gets their mom to buy Cathy some ballet costumes and music so that she can keep practicing. Okay, that’s pretty nice. Oh and this song gets quoted, so let’s share this moment with Cathy.


Well okay.

SO. More time goes by! They change the attic decorations to fall, they sunbathe naked on some old mattresses (wait what), and Chris and Cathy have some awkward conversation about the differences between boys and girls. Uh oh. The first big DRAMA occurs around now–during a game of hide and seek Cory hides inside and old trunk and gets trapped. Luckily they find him in time, but it’s a close, close call.



Oh not cool, dude. Wow.

So now it’s Thanksgiving. Corrine brings them some decorations and promises to bring them up some of the feast the next day. (The turkey won’t be ready when the grandmother brings up their basket) The next day Cathy decorates and sets their table and they wait. And wait. So…did Olivia not bring them anything? Because it’s getting later and later and there’s no sign of Corrine and they’re talking about how they’re starving–oh here’s Corrine. Turns out that her dad decided at the last minute to eat at the table with the guests, so Corrine wasn’t able to just put another tray together when she prepped her dad’s. But she brought them food WITHOUT PUMPKIN PIE and now she has to dash. WTF Corrine. No pumpkin pie?? Yes, I KNOW that John Amos already had it sliced and he would’ve gotten suspicious if four pieces disappeared but it is THANKSGIVING and your children live IN AN ATTIC.


Whew. I’m sorry, y’all, I just…had to get that out.

Of course the twins hate all the food and eat PB&Js. UGH. I wish it was Thanksgiving.

And then the twins get sick. Really sick. Temperature of 103.5 sick. Corrine is all worried for once and wants to take them to the doctor, but Olivia says no. Corrine acquiesces and the older two have to nurse the twins back to health. IT TAKES 19 DAYS. OMG. Corrine’s solution for future sickness is vitamins, so yeah that’ll help. Cathy points out that Corrine can use some of her time away from the house to buy the twins fresh fruit and Corrine naturally acts like Cathy is just making the WORST demands and Chris leaps into defense of Corrine and IT IS EXHAUSTING. Along we go to Christmas and Corrine brings them all lots of gifts and candy. The kids have even decided to make a gift for Olivia–an embroidered picture of a garden–and it goes over about as well as you’d expect. After Olivia rejects it, Cathy loses it (rightly so) and trashes the piece. Corrine comes back then and gives them more presents AND tells them what might be good news: Her dad is going to write her back into his will, and he’s leaving her everything. AND NOT JUST THAT but something else too: the Foxworths are throwing a big party that evening, to reintroduce Corrine to society, and after much pleading Corrine agrees to let Cathy and Chris hide upstairs where they can watch the party.

Corrine comes to get them in her party dress, and it is a dress that we will see again, my friends. It’s green chiffon and velvet with lots of sparkle and fluttering panels and Cathy is just overwhelmed and hopes to someday look like her mother. FORESHADOWING. The pair hides inside a big table where they can see out of a screened back and watch all of the fancy people as they dance and mill about. They notice that Corrine seems to dance with one man the most, and that from time to time they leave the main room together. Scandal! Olivia is there, in a RED dress (wooooo hoooo) and, at long last, they catch a glimpse of their grandfather. They overhear a bickering couple talk about their mother and Bart Winslow and once they’re back in the room, Cathy and Chris wonder if Corrine is in love with said Bart. Chris, being brilliant, decides that he wants to sneak around and explore a little more, so he gets a suit and wig from the attic and gets ready to leave. He and Cathy have another weird moment–she’s all “princess-like” in a new nightgown and he’s dazzled by her, and then he heads out. Cathy goes to bed and remembers their father, wishing him a Merry Christmas.

All right! Okay, back in the saddle. Coming up: OBVIOUSLY Chris’s little adventure doesn’t end well, Corrine gives Cathy “the talk”, and omfg THE SWAN BED. See you then!

Posted by: Megan | March 30, 2013

Just some silliness

Just some silliness

Shannon of Shannon’s Sweet Valley High Blog made some of these for SV characters, so I had to do one too. There may be some more to come!

Oh and a SPOILER note: Carrie’s icon is based more off of Petals on the Wind, where she becomes an amazing cook and homemaker. For a while. More on that later.

Posted by: Megan | March 25, 2013

Carrie-Bear Stare

Before I get started, man, is this a dense book. So. Much. Happens. in just a few paragraphs. These kids get more done in a page than Ruby gets done in whole chapters. Description upon description, it is imagery central up in here. So. Let’s get on with that then.

First up, we get a nice overview of the bedroom itself: 16×16, with lots and lots of dark furntiure that makes it seem smaller, cream wallpaper, gold satin bedspreads, it’s basically a room in an old hotel. With the walls covered in paintings of Hell.  Christopher declares these Goya’s work, which impresses Cathy, even though *I* think they sound more like Bosch to me.

Me too.

Me too.

Thanks, friend. Carrie starts shouting that she doesn’t like it and we get a little bit into the twins’ characters. Carrie is the nosy one, the opinionated loudmouth (oh how things will change for our Carrie) and Cory is the quiet one. When I first read this book, I thought Carrie was just the worst brat. This is not to say that she isn’t a brat, because she can be, just that re-reading this with the knowledge of the next book (which SPOILER is Carrie’s last) behind me makes me laugh a little more at her interjections. She demands to know why they’re not leaving since she doesn’t like it and where is the sun and what the hey is happening, and Cathy is saved from answering by the entrance of Olivia. And now rules central begins and I will tell y’all right now that I am paraphrasing like hell. I just can’t type all of it out. I can’t. There is a speech of rules about cleanliness and food and modesty, then there’s a list of rules on paper that they’re supposed to memorize, and then more speeches about when and where they can be and make noise and I just can’t. Suffice it to say that the list on paper boils down to DON’T EVEN THINK ABOUT COMMITTING INCEST YOU INCESTUALLY-MINDED KIDS. Oh and your grandfather and I will never, ever love you. Now settle into your bacon and eggs.

So they eat breakfast and Chris & Carrie try their best to project happiness so that the twins don’t pick up on the real wtf-ness of their situation, and then they decide to go up to the attic. And it’s amazing. It’s that attic that everyone dreams about having or finding, really. It’s huge and has windows and real floors (not just beams and pink stuff) and chests and wardrobes full of old clothes and books and pianos and a little schoolroom. Chris is trying to find the bright side, but the twins are getting restless and screechy and Cathy is screaming at bugs, so he clambers up to the rafters to hang a couple of swings for the twins and he and Cathy convince them to pretend that they’re outside. Ugh that’s so sad. Later they go down to the room for lunch and Chris talks to Cathy while she’s taking a bath (nope) and they discuss all of the wonderful things they’re going to do once they’re rich. Guys, this is exactly the wrong foot to start off on. I *just* said in the comments that Olivia fulfilled her own prophecy by locking y’all up and now you go and do this. More hours tick by and it’s clear that this is not going to go well. Everyone’s bored and restless and cranky and it’s all just building to a head when the door opens and Corrine and Olivia walk in. The older kids can tell immediately that something’s up with their Momma, but the twins start freaking out, begging to be let outside and calling Chris and Cathy mean. Olivia demands that Corrine shut Carrie up, so lil’ miss Carrie walks right up to her grandmother and lets out a killer scream. Now, I don’t want to overuse screencaps here, since I want to do a movie recap on its own, but look at this face. Carrie don’t give a fuck.


Bring it.

And then Olivia picks Carrie up by her hair and Cory rushes to his sister’s aid and bites Olivia’s leg, making her drop Carrie, who rushes over to scream in a corner while Olivia slaps Cory across the face. Corrine and Cathy and Chris are just sort of standing around stunned, and Cathy recollects that only Chris the Elder could ever stop these kids once they got started, but Olivia threatens to whip them and that gets them to be quiet since that’s a pretty terrible threat to give to five-year olds. Corrine gathers her kids up and Olivia tells her again that she’s worthless and her kids are evil and blah blah blah will you get OUT you creepy old lady. But before she’ll leave, Olivia makes Corrine take her shirt off, revealing that she has in fact been whipped. 48 times, to be exact–33 for the years of her life, and 15 for the years she spent with Chris the Elder “living in sin”. This is what really sets our Cathy off. If you’ve read the rest of the series, or at least Petals, then you know that Cathy is no stranger to the concept of revenge, and it all starts here. Olivia seems to realize this, as she threatens the children again, but directs her gaze at Cathy. I’d watch it, Liv, I know what’s coming to you.

Olivia leaves and Corrine gathers her children around her to tell them (and us) her backstory. There are certain..shall we say…variations that we get in the eventual prequel, but for now let’s stick to what we’ve got here:

Corrine was raised in this house with her two older brothers, Malcolm (Mal) and Joel. (She doesn’t name them, but I am because I am in charge here) The three of them had a pretty miserable childhood, with religion forced on them and the usual restrictions against swimming and dancing and playing cards and joy. This is, we shall learn, a really really really common VCA backstory. One day, a handsome young man showed up at the house, Chris the Elder. His mother, Alicia, was the second wife of Corrine’s grandfather Garland. After Garland’s death, Corrine’s father Malcolm had stolen Alicia and Chris’s inheritances and kicked them out; now Alicia had died and Chris was looking to connect to his family. So, Corrine explains, while Chris the Elder was technically her half-uncle, he was only three years older than her and they’d never met, so it was love at first sight. Corrine declines to spell everything out for her kids (much to Chris and Cathy’s relief) but suffice it to say that they had a secret romance and when Corrine was 18, they eloped. When they told Malcolm and Olivia they freaked out (and I’m sorry, rightly so, girl he is your UNCLE) and they were both disinherited and kicked out and changed their names and here we are. Cathy, I should mention, is utterly charmed by this story, seeing it as like a ballet, all romance and forbidden passions and whatnot. Cathy, you weirdo.

Corrine tells her oldest kids again that she’s going to do everything possible to win back her father’s love and get back into his will (noble) and then they’ll all have everything they ever wanted. She assures them that they’re amazing wonderful kids and that there’s no such thing as inherited sin or being born bad or anything else that Olivia might want them to believe. Corrine, still, you married your uncle. This is Heaven Casteel’s favorite book. They all reiterate how much they love each other and Chris & Cathy assure their mom in return that they love her and forgive her for never telling them the truth, and Corrine puts on her brave face and announces that she’s going into the big city the next day to start typing classes so that she can get a job. Chris is super happy and supportive, but Cathy just keeps remembering how Corrine had previously mentioned that she wasn’t the world’s biggest self-starter without Chris the Elder to support her. Ah, here we go. Cathy’s mind starts ticking in these chapters and does not stop. I know we all know that Cathy makes some poooooooooooooooooooor decisions in the future, but lord I love that she tries to do anything at all, RUBY.

Corrine leaves and the kids go to bed, where Chris and Cathy make some small talk about how at least now they know why they all look so much alike. Ew. Chris is still firmly on the side of “Everything Momma says is true and awesome” while Cathy is still hella suspicious about everything. Stick to that, baby. You’ll need it.

Coming up: More long boring days in the attic, Corrine starts wearing a lot of jewelry, Cathy starts practicing her dancing up in the attic and Chris starts to creep, and the twins start down the road to sickness. And that’s only barely halfway! THIS DENSE ASS BOOK.

PS: This is also my Book Club’s latest pick, so if we have our next meeting before my next recap I’ll be sure to write down any choice commentary by my fellow Book Clubbers. We like to think we’re pretty hilarious.


Posted by: Megan | February 21, 2013

Open the Window and Stand in the Sunshine

Oh golly-lolly day! Here we go.

Flowers in the Attic presents itself as a true story. The short prologue is Cathy noting that she’s masking her life story as fiction, but that she’s still hoping that the people who should be affected by her story (who are…who, at the point that she’s writing this? SPOILER: Everyone’s dead) will be affected and something something she wanted to call the book Open the Window and Stand in the Sunshine, which is amazing.

Our story proper begins “back in the Fifties” (fun fact: by the last Cathy-narrated book, it’s actually *the future* since it would have been taking place in the late ’80s/early ’90s) as Cathy describes her bland as hell blonde family. They live in Gladstone, PA, where their “all-American, wholesome, devastatingly good-looking” father works as a PR man for a computer-manufacturing firm. NOTE: that was the description that his boss gives of him. Harassment!  Chris the Elder is 6’2 and blond and hawt and everyone loves him, especially his gorgeous wife Corrine (who spends all day on Fridays getting made up for her husband’s homecoming, yet he thinks she doesn’t wear makeup because he is an idiot) and their two children, Christopher and Catherine. Remember them now, kittens, we will never tolerate Christopher again. One winter afternoon Chris and Cathy come home to find their mother knitting tiny clothes and eventually she tells them that she’s pregnant with twins. Chris can’t even handle feeling the babies kicking because he already has boundary issues and Cathy freaks the h out because she worries about being supplanted in her father’s heart. Chris the Elder comes home that night and gives Cathy a ballerina music box and a birthstone ring and assures her that he’ll always love her, no matter what. Awwww, that’s actually sweet. Now, in the movie they throw some Corrine drama into this scene:

Calm the hell down, Corrine.

Calm the hell down, Corrine.

but in the book she’s pretty happy with how much her family loves each other.

So eventually the babies are born and are twins Cory and Carrie and Cathy loves them and everyone is happy. EXCEPT for their neighbor/babysitter who thinks that Chris the Elder and Corrine look “more like brother and sister” than they do spouses (FORESHADOWING AND ALSO THE TRUTH), but everyone just laughs that away and life is good for a few years.

And then Chris the Elder dies. It’s a pretty sad scene, all told, they’re waiting with a surprise party for him and instead the police come to the door, but this is not why we’re here. We’re here because as soon as he dies, Cathy gets bitchy that they never had a pet, because if they’d had a dog or a hamster who died it would have prepared them for the death of their father. JFC Cathy. Then she decides that she’ll just pretend that her dad is on a business trip and that he’ll come home one day, but Corrine shuts that down right quick. So they start to lose all their stuff to the repo men because Chris bought his wife whatever she wanted on credit and eventually she gathers her children around to tell them something weird. See, they’d always thought that their parents were both orphans, but, turns out, that Corrine’s parents are alive and extremely wealthy. She was disinherited for reasons she doesn’t get into and oh by the way, their real last name is Foxworth, not Dollanganger. (Cathy is pissed that they changed their name to something so hard to spell, JFC Cathy). Long story and striding around in a negligee short, Corrine tells her older kids her brilliant plan: they’ll go live with her parents, as her father is dying, and she’ll use the time he has left to charm him into writing her back into the will. Cathy and Chris are swept away by her descriptions of wealth and agree that this is a good plan.

It is not a good plan.

Just in case you wondered.

So off they go one night, on a train to Virginia. Chris and Cathy are a little suspicious when the conductor calls Corrine by an assumed name, and when they get off the train in the middle of nowhere in the middle of the night, and when she leaves her luggage in the station, but they shrug it off and march down the road to their grandparents’ house. And what a house it is and what a creepy old lady lets them in and leads them up some back stairs and into a bedroom. And boom! yep, this old lady is their grandmother. She’s tall and severe and her bosom looks like twin hills of concrete (it says that!) and Cathy immediately dislikes her. It probably doesn’t help that like the second thing she does is ask Corrine if the kids are pretty but stupid. (yes) Chris and Cathy dress the twins in their PJs and put them into one of the double beds, where they immediately fall asleep. They then huddle together a bit under the grandmother’s gaze and she instantly points out to Corrine that they can’t sleep in the same bed. Corrine protests too much at this, but her mother points out that she used to believe that Corrine and her “half-uncle” were innocent too. Ooops. Chris and Cathy are just a little shocked to get this tidbit. It’s now that they find out that they’re all (sans Corrine) going to be sleeping in this one room, as it’s the only one where their grandfather and the servants won’t hear them.

It’s now that another part of this whole plan is revealed: see, while Corrine is busy trying to win back her father’s love, her kids have to hide upstairs and pretend not to exist until she brings them down. Oh. Also, the grandmother (okay, enough of that–OLIVIA) will bring the kids food and milk in the morning, but they have to make sure to hide all evidence that they’re there before the maids come in and clean once a month. They move the twins to different beds and get ready themselves, and Corrine assures her older kids that it won’t take her but so long to win back her dad (ew) and she and Olivia leave. Chris and Cathy muse over that “half-uncle” thing for a bit, but finally decide to wait until their mother explains it and go to sleep.


OKAY so here we are. Next time: Olivia’s rules, the attic, some Corrine backstory and that time the grandmother lifts Carrie by her hair. Fun times!

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