Oh Ruby.

Ruby and Gisselle head down to the pool and Gisselle mixes up some incredibly strong rum and cokes. Ruby, of course, gives her a lesson in the dangers of alcohol, detailing Grandpere Jack’s life, but Gisselle is unimpressed and tells her sister to shut it and drink. Ruby chokes some down and immediately feels weird. Lightweight. Gisselle laughs at her and quips the old “All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy” and Ruby is confused about who Jack is. Oh Ruby. Gisselle makes fun of her some more and then the boys arrive. Beau’s friend Martin is your average preppy rich guy, swagger and all. Gisselle (as Ruby) immediately starts giggling and making eyes at him, and Ruby (as Gisselle) introduces them. Martin is just amazed at how identical they are, and mentions that he was always jealous of Beau for having such a hot girlfriend, but hey! now there’s another Gisselle!

Gisselle CAJUNS that she ain’t nowhere near as pretty as Ruby, and Ruby, pissed and slightly tipsy, insists that no, her sister is prettier! Beau is clearly onto their switcheroo, but he doesn’t say anything. Gisselle prattles on about her supposed past in the bayou, all about the scandalous things that were done to her, and that she did, and she basically promises Martin that she’ll sleep with him for jewelry. Ruby is getting angrier and angrier as her sister besmirches her name, but Gisselle takes Martin off into the shadows and Ruby is left alone with Beau. Beau starts kissing her, and she pulls back and tells him the truth. He plays dumb, but Ruby calls him on it, and he admits that he knew. They see Martin and Gisselle making out and Beau gets pissed and decides that revenge is in order. He pulls Ruby into the cabana and they make out some more. Gisselle interrupts and ends the ruse, confusing poor Martin all the more. Everyone drinks some more, then Gisselle takes Beau into the cabana and Ruby sits with Martin, who tries to make a move on her, but passes out. Ruby sits alone for a few minutes before Beau and a sick Gisselle come out of the cabana. Beau foists Gisselle off on Ruby, then collects Martin and skedaddles, but not without first whispering to Ruby that hers is the kiss he’ll remember. Oh Beau, you tart. Ruby takes Gisselle and the bottle of rum upstairs, and on the way she hears somebody crying in one of the other bedrooms. Gisselle tells her to ignore it, and Ruby gets her sister to her room. Gisselle collapses on her bed and orders Ruby out, but first tells her to hide the rum in her (Ruby’s) closet. Ruby leaves and does so. She hears Daphne coming upstairs and peeks out the door in time to see Daphne pause and listen to the crying, then go into her bedroom. Ruby goes out to investigate, but before she can enter the room where the crying is, Pierre interrupts her. He says she must have been imagining things, as that room was his brother Jean’s and no one’s used it for years. Ruby gives up and goes to bed.

Oh hooray, more voodoo. Ruby gets up in the morning and goes down to breakfast, going to the kitchen afterward to tell Nina how much she liked it. Nina has decided that Ruby is not a spirit, which is good, because otherwise she’d have to do an incredibly gross and elaborate ritual involving black cat guts and graveyards. Ruby mentions the crying she’d heard the night before, and once Nina hears that she drags Ruby back to her room in the servants’ quarters. It’s covered in hanging herbs and candles and jars of weird powders and a picture of Marie Laveau. Nina does something with a white candle and some brimstone to Ruby, since someone has obviously put a curse on the poor girl. Yeah, and his name is Andrew Neiderman.

(JK, Mr. Neiderman, I love you. Pin…is one of my favorite movies ever, and Devil’s Advocate is also pretty okay, and you wrote those books, so you’re clearly talented. But come on with the voodoo already.)

Ruby goes back to the dining room, where she meets Daphne, who sends her up to get Gisselle. Ruby tries, but her sister is the worse for wear, and Ruby is forced to tell Daphne that Gisselle is sick. Daphne goes up to see for herself, and discovers that Gisselle is hungover. Gisselle then blames everything on Ruby and tells Daphne where Ruby hid the rum. Daphne freaks out at Ruby for a bit, then storms off. Ruby is pissed at Gisselle, but her sister explains that she’d already gotten in trouble for drinking recently, so she couldn’t risk getting in trouble again. She’ll smooth things over with Pierre, so Ruby needs to chill. Ruby tells Gisselle about the crying, and Gisselle tells her that it was Pierre. He often goes into his brother’s old room and cries. Ruby says something about Uncle Jean’s death, but Gisselle corrects her—Jean isn’t dead, he’s just pretty much a vegetable, and he lives in a mental institute where Pierre and Gisselle go to see him once a year on his birthday. Gisselle is also sure to note that Uncle Jean is still pretty hot, vegetable or no. Gisselle. Inappropriate. Tell her about Paul, Ruby, she’ll probably get the first bus to the bayou. Girls, I’m going to risk using Old Meme in order to give you two some words of wisdom:

Listen up, all y'all. Ruby. Gisselle. Cathy. Heaven. Annie. Dawn. Christie. Melody. Laura.
Learn it. Know it. Live it.

Later on, Pierre and Daphne call the girls in to scold them. Gisselle turns on the waterworks, naturally. Interestingly, Pierre is against unsupervised drinking because they could all get into a car accident (FORESHADOWING), while Daphne is against it because shenanigans could occur. Though Daphne clearly wants Ruby to get in big trouble, the twins get off with a warning and Ruby has her first art lesson. Her teacher is a wacky artsy type and naturally she is the most talented thing to ever do anything ever, and it’s all the more amazing because she came from the SWAMPS. There’s a weird “If she would be my student she must accept everything I say without question” moment that seems like it should turn into something later on, but it never does.

He was pretty creepy.
He was pretty creepy.

You’re the one sulking around in the shadows, Swamp Thing, jeez. You’re just getting pathetic at this point.

Professor Art leaves, and Ruby and Gisselle go out with Beau and Martin. They head to the French Quarter, where they score some weed and take Ruby to an adult toy shop just to shock her. It’s not difficult. In that same vein, Gisselle decides that they’re taking Ruby to Storyville. As they’re walking around, they stop in front of a big house with loud jazz music coming out of it. As they watch, an older man gets escorted to his car by a young lady wearing a super low-cut dress. It’s Annie, the girl Ruby met on the bus. We’re kindly reminded that Annie is a quadroon. (The points from Pin…are wearing off, guy) She tells Ruby that her aunt got her the job and she’s only working there until she gets an audition. She’s glad that Ruby found her family, and she promises to send Ruby the information when she has her first singing gig. Everyone is amazed that Ruby knows a prostitute, and Gisselle is disbelieving when Ruby insists that she didn’t know. The group goes back to the twins’ house to smoke, and Ruby (of course) has some wacky Reefer Madness reaction. Beau takes her to her room to lie down. Ruby falls asleep and gets woken up by Gisselle several hours later when it’s time for dinner. Gisselle warns her not to say anything. Before they go downstairs, Gisselle mentions that Beau was pretty upset about Ruby getting sick, and that he really seems to like her. Gisselle might be getting bored with Beau anyway, so she tells Ruby that she might let her have him. Ruby wonders if she wants him as the twins go down to dinner.

Whew! Sorry about the delay, folks, it’s been that kind of time around here lately! I know this was a short one, but we’re almost through and I’ll get them out faster if they’re shorter. Coming up: High school in the BIG CITY! Slumber party pranks! Scandalous art moments!

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10 Comments Add yours

  1. Schatzi says:

    OMG, Steff, I love you! But I am not sure I’m understanding the words of wisdom. Shared DNA is OK, right? Because I have this hot cousin …

    1. Megan says:

      You guys are killing me with the “But who *can* I hook up with?” stuff. Killing. Me. I love it.

  2. Lindsay a.k.a Busty St. Clair says:

    Ruby! Gah! Jack Torrance is only from the greatest book ever by one of the greatest authors ever! I will be harsh to you from now on. You also need to grow a pair and slap the shit out of Gisselle sometime.

    Ah, James Spader from Pretty in Pink. How fitting.

    And first cousins are totally ok cause you have your cousins, and then you have your first cousins, and then you have your second cousins…

    1. Megan says:

      Only Melody Logan plays the cousin game, and I guess Annie Stonewall does too, though she thinks he’s her brother at the time.

  3. Shannon says:

    I hated Giselle when I was younger, but reading your recaps I now see she’s kind of awesome.

    Neiderman wrote Devil’s Advocate? I had no idea. How could someone capable of something like that churn out something as bad as this?

    1. Megan says:

      I was alarmed when I found that out too. It made me afraid for my own writing. So afraid…

  4. Lindsay a.k.a Busty St. Clair says:

    and by “book” I most certainly meant “character”

  5. itsfreckles says:

    Haha, Steph looks so confused! Poor guy.

  6. Dafne Gutierrez says:

    I don’t know, I still hate Gisselle for being such a bitch. But I’ve always been a good girl and I’ve only drank once (for my quinceañera and it was cider) and nothing else. I guess I just see more of myself in the protagonists except for Cathy.

  7. Oh man, Pin was such an awesome, yet super creepy movie… and apparently Jonathan Banks was in there somewhere but I don’t remember him being in it?

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