Posted by: Megan | April 15, 2009

What’s in a cover?

As a change of pace, I want to do another cover post. See, I’ve recently discovered the V.C. Andrews Cover Gallery, and thanks to that delightful site, I’ve learned that My Sweet Audrina has gotten some pretty interesting covers around the world. So let’s go!

First up, is the U.S. Hardcover, er, Cover. It’s basically a version of the stepback picture for the paperback, but with a few subtle differences.

That is a miserable child.

That is a miserable child.

So we’ve got the “toys in spiderweb” theme back, but this time, the web includes Audrina’s hair. The hair’s pretty witchy in this one, I’ll grant it that, but it’s less blonde and red and black and white than it is “Manic Panic slumber party”. Maybe that’s why she looks so sad? I’ve been hoping that one of the older covers would have a famous model, like the original covers for the novel Audrey Rose, which feature a young Brooke Shields, but so far no luck. I give this one three dancing ballerina dahls of five, because there’s no rocking chair and because that raccoon-bear is weirding me out.

Up next, we have the following selection from Brazil.

Is that an Ewok?

Is that an Ewok?

I love this one. I’m not sure, but I imagine that the big angry brunette is supposed to be Vera (or Lila Fowler), because having Elly or Billie on the cover makes no sense, and she looks so suitably angry that I’m willing to overlook that she’s not a redhead. Plus, I like her hairstyle, so I’m inclined to let it slide. Also, look at those eyebrows! Vera’s going to visit the cover of a Harlequin after this.

Audrina is again just a generic blonde, but the rocking chair is back, and she’s wearing a nice and boring “Audrina is a good girl” outfit and looks reasonably confused. The obligatory stuffed animals make an appearance, although my dancing monkey is gone in this one too, replaced by Wicket and a creepy rabbit. By far my favorite part of this cover, however, is that massive clock face in the background. It’s big and dramatic and ties nicely into the novel’s themes. I dig the style of this one, so I’m giving it five floaty Vera heads out of five, mostly because I love Lila Fowler.

Now, identifying the characters on the cover is a time-honored VCA reader tradition. There’s a section devoted to it over at the Complete V.C. Andrews. This isn’t usually that difficult, except when you get covers like this one from Spain.

Button your damn shirt.

Button your damn shirt.

Seriously. Who the hell are these people? Again, I’m assuming that the evil looking brunette is Vera, or someone from the cast of Dynasty, based on the look she’s giving the center girl, and due to her superfly 80s vamp dress. She looks like an extra on an episode of Beauty and the Beast. I’m sad to see that Vera has no nostrils, maybe that’s why her mother shunned her?

I’m going to venture a guess that Rico Suave over there is Damian, although I fervently wish that it was not, because MY EYES. I mean, there’s his pink silk shirt, the one that Vera tried to iron and ruined, then blamed it on Audrina! Right? I guess the beard was a personal preference of the artist. Maybe that’s Lamar! Maybe?  As for the pouty redhead…I guess that’s Audrina. That looks like a suitably boring Audrina pullover. Yeah. I give this one one pullover out of five, because I think this was generic “romance thriller” cover art, and because I like Vera’s updo.

In that same “Wait, who is that supposed to be?” vein, comes this spectacular U.K. cover.

Chick in the back, marry me.

Chick in the back, marry me.

Is that Audrina and Vera? It has to be, although why they’re nearly identical is a mystery to me. I’m willing to overlook it, though, because NotReallyVera back there is AWESOME. The earrings! The necklace! The bangs! That soap opera “Oh, I’ll get you someday” expression! Amazing! While MaybeSortOfAudrina in the front…is boring. Is her blouse torn on the left shoulder there or is that just a bad pattern? She looks hungover. Audrina’s never been hungover. Maybe they’re both Vera, and the one in front is Vera after one of her multiple bone breaks? Yeah! That’s what I’m going to believe. This one also gets five–five sweet red dresses out of five, mainly because of multiple personality Vera on the cover.

Lastly, we have a cover from The Netherlands. It’s at least got a recognizable theme: Audrina in the rocking chair.

Wait...is that a deck chair?

Wait...is that a deck chair?

OH SWEET GOD WHAT IS THAT THING ON HER LAP??

I’m too horrified by that to say much more, except that this one gets nothing! NOTHING out of five freaky dolls with Bettie bangs because

1. That’s some kind of pool-side cabana chair.

2. Audrina is really, really creepy.

3. OH GOD IT’S LOOKING INTO MY SOUL.

I hope you enjoyed this little visual adventure! Coming up: Murder! Mayhem! Arden is a tool! Audrina doesn’t understand! Sylvia is creepy (but I feel guilty for saying so!) Damian is a bastard! And much, much more!

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Responses

  1. That last one is really damn creepy.

    Interesting that the last two have her name as Virginia Andrews and the others have it as V.C. Andrews. I wonder why that is?

  2. HOLY CRAP THE LAST ONE THE LAST ONE AHHHHHHHHHHHHH

    Second one really DOES have that distinctive early Harlequin look, wow!

  3. Count me in as another person who is totally frightened by the last cover. I’m going to see that scary, nude doll in my nightmares, walking toward me and echo-whispering, “Arden Lowe Arden Lowe Lowe Lowe Lowe!!!!!”

  4. MY EYES!!! That last one is looking at me. I think that doll has boobs!

    Man. I might need to read this book again. I remember it was quite the MF when I was a teenager.

  5. Yeah, the boob doll is seriously weird.

    I think I like the Brazil one the best.

  6. That last one makes me want to gauge out my eyes. I think my favorite is the second Italian one.

    I was going to make my own versions for all my favorite books for the site’s anniversary one year but I only got as far as My Sweet Audrina.

  7. That is a hell of a lot of eye makeup on that first one, Deathy! I never even realized that was your site–awesome! Love your cover.

  8. I need a complete brain wipe to rid myself of these images.

    Memo to whoever designed the last cover: damn you to hell!

  9. Hilarious!

  10. Oh Em Gee! I almost tossed my cookies I was laughing so hard. GREAT POST.

    • Thank you!

  11. If you’d like a copy of the German cover, I’d be happy to provide it to you.

    I loved VC Andrews books. Well, until she died, anyhow. The first one I got was Flowers in the Attice, a (quite inappropriate I realized later) Christmas present from my mom. When I was 12. Picked out by the sales person at a book store. What the hell was that person thinking!!?? My mom had no idea what the books were about. I guess I can forgive her lol.

    • Nowadays parents will complain if characters smoke in a book, it seems like, and this is what so many of us grew up on! I think we probably all turned out okay. 😉

      Thanks for reading! I’m good with the MSA covers, but thank you for the offer. 🙂


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