When we left our merry band of idiots, Gisselle had contracted St. Louis encephalitis, which had put her into what was likely a permanent coma; Beau had pitched the idea of pretending that it was Ruby who was sick, so that Real!Ruby could take Gisselle’s place and be with Beau; and Paul had agreed to take care of Gisselle under the guise of Ruby. There is nothing that could possible go wrong with this.

Ruby and Paul make their plans to head out to the ranch, but Ruby is getting extremely worked up about the whole thing and worries that she’ll someday be punished for the deceit. Don’t worry, Ruby. At this point, even God is like “I’m not dealing with this right now”.  Paul seems to be okay with the whole thing until they’re about to leave, when he tells Ruby that she’s going to miss Cypress Woods and that once she takes on Gisselle’s life, she can’t ever come back. Naturally though he backtracks almost immediately, allowing that if Beau turns out to be an asshole or something, Ruby can always come home. Ruby’s just like “Get over it Paul, you’re so creepy” and they leave for the ranch.

The ranch is sprawling and amazing and gorgeous, but that’s all nothing to Ruby, of course, since she’s just there to start living a LIE. They all go in to stare at poor Gisselle and Beau points out that they’ll have to exchange their rings. He’s already taken Gisselle’s off! How helpful and eager and creepy, Beau. Ruby has trouble getting her’s off, which pleases Paul to no end, but eventually off it comes and the rings are switched. Oh, I guess Paul’s heading out with Gisselle right away, because he’s already sending for the station wagon. He notes that he spoke to some specialists about the condition already, and that he was given some hope that she could recover. Ruby almost calls off the whole thing, but decides against it. She feels sad that Paul is clinging to his hopes this way.

Wait.

Wait.

Wait.

But, um, Ruby, what Paul is hoping is that your twin sister recovers from her serious illness. You are the worst, Ruby Landry Dumas Tate.

Beau goes with Paul to help him and Ruby tells him about Paul’s terrible hopes. Beau assures her that his doctors have said Gisselle will never wake up, and tells Ruby that it’s too late to turn back. Why?? NOBODY KNOWS THAT ANYTHING HAS HAPPENED. NOW IS THE BEST POSSIBLE TIME NOT TO DO THIS YOU TERRIBLE PEOPLE. Oh well, I guess it’s all settled. Ruby waits around for Beau to come back and then they’re both sad that they’re too tired and stressed to have sex. Oh you are the worst. They head back to New Orleans where Ruby is momentarily bummed out when Beau tells her that he fired all of the servants before they came back (so that Ruby doesn’t have to be in 100% Gisselle mode all the time) but she’s soon soothed when she sees how nicely Beau had Pearl’s nursery set up. Everything in Gisselle’s room is a mess and Ruby clucks her tongue and acts all shocked, noting that Gisselle is going to have some extreme character changes. Beau laughs. OH THAT’S SO FUNNY THAT SILLY OLD GISSELLE WHAT WITH HER MESSINESS AND HER LAZINESS AND HER SEVERE ILLNESS. While they’re standing there chuckling over themselves, Gisselle’s friend Pauline calls, and Ruby has to put on her first Gisselle act.

Pauline is annoyed because she was supposed to head out to the ranch that afternoon, but randomly called to ask about something and was told that Beau and Gisselle had gone home. Ruby puts on her best bitch voice and explains (like it’s all such a hassle) that her sister and brother-in-law came out, and her sister got sick, and now poor Gisselle has to take care of the baby. Pauline is more than a little surprised that Gisselle is taking care of a baby, but Ruby cuts her off and hangs up. Beau is impressed and a little concerned by how well Ruby did that. They go out to dinner where Ruby is horrified by Gisselle’s low-cut wardrobe and quickly realizes that people are much nicer to Beau than to her because everyone secretly hates Gisselle. They have a ridiculous romantic evening and are woken up when Paul calls to tell them that his doctors have requested a number of tests on Gisselle because they’re not as pessimistic as Beau’s doctors were. Ruby and Beau whine a little more about how Paul just can’t let sleeping dogs lie.

THE WORST OF ALL POSSIBLE PEOPLE.

Ruby is quickly frustrated with her life as Gisselle, since she can’t cook for the family (since Gisselle couldn’t even boil water), she can’t help with the business (because Gisselle didn’t care) and while she’s in her studio later that morning with Pearl, she’s interrupted by a knock on one of the French doors and soon learns that Gisselle had a lover whom she would meet in the studio. She chases him away, but learns through what he says that Gisselle has had several affairs since getting married to Beau. When Beau comes home later, Ruby tells him what happened and is stunned that he pretty much knew and apologizes for not preparing her. But! it’s all forgotten when it’s time to interview new servants! We only get the racial background of the cook, but Ruby’s sure to let us know that she’s a quadroon woman. Thanks, Ruby. Beau and Ruby go to dinner at his parents’ house, who, we’re told, are no fonder of Gisselle than they ever were of Ruby. Dinner is awkward as all hell, with the Andreas parents referring to Ruby (aka Gisselle) as “that CAJUN girl” and disapproving of Beau and Gisselle’s decision to take care of Pearl. After dinner when Mrs. Andreas gives Ruby a bracelet that she bought for her in Amsterdam, Ruby makes the mistake of calling her “Mother”. Nothing seems to come of it, though, and their evening is further disrupted when they arrive home to a message from Paul.

Ruby calls him back, and he tells her that Gisselle suffered some severe seizures and has now fallen into a deeper coma. If she does ever wake up, she’s likely to have permanent brain damage. Ruby is horrified, but Paul’s all “Didn’t you once get a voodoo curse put on her? So you suck” and Ruby’s all “I can’t believe you’d throw that back in my face!” and then Paul hangs up on her. Woo! Get her, Paul. For once. Cause she’s the worst. Ruby tells Beau that no matter how happy she wants to be, she can’t help but feeling that something is going to happen to take everything away from them. Yeah, that’s so sad, Ruby. Ruby calls Paul every day to check on Gisselle, but he’s seldom home because he’s always at the hospital. When he finally does call her back, he sounds straight-up movie crazy, what with the detached voice and the rambling singsong and the calling Ruby “Gisselle”. Ruby thinks that there’s someone nearby that can overhear him, since he keeps calling her Gisselle, but it’s soon obvious that he’s convinced himself that Ruby is the sick twin. Then he hangs up on her again. Ruby immediately tells Beau that she wants to go to Cypress Woods and check on everything. Beau agrees, but is dubious that Paul has actually lost it and isn’t just trying to manipulate Ruby into coming back. GOD, BEAU, GOD. Ruby’s not convinced and goes to bed worrying what they’ll find at Cypress Woods and what in the world she’s done to Paul this time.

TERRIBLE THINGS, RUBY. BECAUSE YOU ARE THE WORST.

Oh lord, I feel bad for Paul Tate. WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO ME?

Coming up next: More rambling singsong from Paul, Toby and Jeanne are bitchy, Bruce shows up drunk some more, and oh good, Louis.

For once I have a legit reason for my silence! I totally got married last Saturday! It was awesome and wonderful, and I can assure you all that my husband is of absolutely no relation to myself.

I hope to be back to posting very shortly, and I hope everyone (to whom this is applicable) has a wonderful Thanksgiving and that the rest of you have a wonderful week too!

do chris and cathy have sex in petals on the wind

You know what, actually, not really? I mean, not until the round-up at the end. They almost make out once under a Christmas tree (festive!) and then later they almost sleep together again in Cathy’s room with Carrie a few feet away asleep in her bed (good lord, guys), but they get distracted by Cathy’s food hoard under her bed (yes really). After a while,  they don’t spend a ton of alone time together, and then Cathy is occupied with having sex with Paul and Julian and Bart. Cathy’s got a lot to do in that book. By the end, once Chris and Cathy have moved away from everyone who knows them as siblings and have gotten married, it’s implied that they sleep together, but it’s never full-on described.

pearl in the mist louis

Someone actually Googled Louis? Is this like the people who search for “Arden Lowe” or “Troy Tatterton”? Don’t do that to yourselves. It’s just not right. Once Louis is invoked, you can’t ever send him back.

Okay, you can, but it’s really hard. It’s like Beetlejuice or the Candyman.

followers in the attic v.c. andrews

I know that’s where I keep mine.

death and crying

I’m sorry, were you looking for the Ruby Tate Greeting Card Collection? Some sweet day, searcher.

So this happened:

flowers in the attic the mother left cory to die in another room

where was cory’s body found in the dollanganger series?

what chapter do they find cory’s body in petls of the wind

was cory buried in the trunk in the attic

poor little corey flowers attic

what happened to cory in flowers in the attic

flowers in the attic the mother left cory to die in another room

where was cory’s body found in the dollanganger series?

where is cory’s dead body in the book flowers in the attic

Look. Look here, now, Ghost of Cory Dollanganger. I DON’T KNOW. Stop lurking around the internet cafes of the Great Beyond, typing in variations of this theme! I think your body was in a trunk in a side room because your mother was a terrible lazy person who couldn’t be bothered to dig a grave or build a cairn. But I cannot tell you for certain. Like Cathy’s maybe miscarriage, your fate is the other great mystery of Petals in the Wind. I haven’t even recapped your series yet, so calm on down!

And finally:

swampthing dancing

No.

She wishes.

That’s just inappropriate.

Anyway, they leave, but first Beau manages to sneak Ruby a slip of paper with the address of his secret love apartment on it and a date and time when he’ll be waiting for Ruby. What if that’s not a convenient time for her, Beau? She’s the one who lives hours away and has a baby. But whatever. Ruby spends the rest of the day painting and having a nice internal battle about whether or not to go and have her secret rendezvous.

• But you and Beau’s love is magical and pure and you should totally be able to be together
• But it’ll hurt Paul and he loves you and Pearl so much
• Well then, you should definitely keep this affair a secret, so as not to hurt Paul, but you should totally still do it
• Um, that’s lying
• It’s not lying if you do it to protect someone you care about!
• Yes it is! And would Paul do that to you?
• No, but Paul did make a promise that you two wouldn’t stand in the way if you found someone else
• Yeah but–

Who can resist this stuff?

Ruby goes back to the hotel and calls Paul, telling him about the show, then she goes to dinner with Beau and they spend the night together. (Six!) The next morning she goes back to Cypress Woods and learns that Mrs. Flemming’s daughter in England has been in an accident, so the nanny has to leave immediately and go to her. Ruby feels terrible, mainly because she remembers an old saying of Nina Jackson’s and wonders if she’s given the Devil an opening into her life. Wow, straight to Satan, huh Ruby? I’m sure he made time on his schedule just to mess with you.

Paul comes home from his own business trip a few days later and tells Ruby that he tried to call her at the hotel the night she spent with Beau, but he doesn’t want her to think that he was checking up on her. Oh that’s exactly what you were doing Paul, don’t even try it. So Ruby promptly admits that she was with Beau. Paul lets her have it a bit, asking if she just doesn’t have any self-respect, going back to the man who deserted her and Pearl and then married her sister. He wants to know if she and Beau have made any plans (such as divorce) but Ruby has to admit that they didn’t really talk about that sort of thing. Ruby begs Paul to at least yell at her or something, but he won’t, and he changes the subject to how much he’s been talking up her artwork to his rich business contacts. He tells her that he’s invited Jeanne and James over for dinner, then leaves the room.

So that night at dinner, Ruby notices that Jeanne seems upset and sure enough, as soon as the two are alone, Jeanne starts crying and tells Ruby that she and James haven’t slept together in weeks and she doesn’t know what to do. She wants advice from Ruby since she and Paul are so happy together and seem to find time for romance no matter how busy Paul gets. Two words, Jeanne. Hoop. Skirt. Ruby tells Jeanne that nothing is perfect and that relationships take time, and Jeanne seems to respond to the advice and thanks Ruby. After the couple leave, Paul tells Ruby that James had asked him for advice as well. He and Ruby sit outside for a while and look at the stars, then they sadly go up to their separate rooms, where, Ruby tells us, Paul embraced a pillow and she embraced her memories of Beau.

Wait a minute.

Does that…mean what I think it means?

OH MY GOD I THINK IT DOES

MOVING ON. Beau calls up Ruby the next day, all giddy with excitement over planning their next outing. Ruby tells him about Mrs. Flemming leaving and again reminds him that she’s not bringing Pearl to their love shack, and when he still pushes she tells him that Paul knows. Beau admits that Gisselle is suspicious too and has been making some threats, so our star-crossed (hahahaha) lovers end their affair and hang up.

Time passes and Ruby busies herself with Pearl and Paul works a lot and she thinks this is how it’ll go on until they die when she gets a surprise phone call one evening a couple of weeks later. It’s Beau, who tells her that he and Gisselle are out at that Dumas ranch again and that there’s been another incident. Gisselle was bitten up by mosquitoes and started to get headaches, followed by a fever, hallucinations, and paralysis. The doctor came out and determined that Gisselle (now in a coma) has contracted St. Louis encephalitis and the outlook doesn’t look good. She may remain in the coma indefinitely. Ruby wants to know if Gisselle’s in the hospital, but no, see Beau had a better idea. Since only Beau, the doctor, and the servants know what’s happened to Gisselle and they can be paid off, Beau’s had a wonderful, awful idea: Ruby can pretend to be Gisselle and be “married” to Beau, and they can pretend that it was Ruby who got sick and just tuck poor Gisselle into an institution somewhere. Somebody’s been watching Ringer!

(Although seriously, are any of y’all watching Ringer? It’s so delightfully cheesy, I love it. It’s like a cheeseball covered in cheese then deep-fried. Amazing. And it’s about a poor but kindly twin pretending to be her catty bitch of a rich twin. Territory I am more than comfortable with!)

Ahem. Ruby is far more tempted by the idea than any sane person should be, and tells Beau that she’ll talk to Paul about it. When she does, he gets very bitter again over the fact that she still loves Beau, but agrees to help with the plan. What’s more, he’ll bring Gisselle to Cypress Woods and care for her there, since that’s no less than people would expect him to do for Ruby. Ruby finally worries about Pearl, but Paul has an answer for that too—with Mrs. Flemming gone and Ruby sick, no one will question that he’d send Pearl to live with her aunt and uncle. Um, they totally would. It’s Beau and Gisselle! Ruby’s overwhelmed by Paul’s reaction to the whole thing, though she realizes that he’s doing this in part to keep her near him, as he asks her to visit her sick sister sometimes. With this all decided, Ruby’s biggest worry is that she won’t be able to pull off pretending to be Gisselle. Not whether or not your sister will die or wake up or your brother-husband will go crazy or your daughter will be super confused or anything like that, Ruby? Okay.

And that leads us to Book Two! Up next: twin-switching madness, more unnecessary racial details about servants, and Paul goes full nutso. See you then!

ANYWAY.

Ruby drives to New Orleans, where she confuses the new butler (who thinks she’s Gisselle) but it’s soon cleared up and she goes upstairs to find her sister chattering away merrily on the phone, though she quickly changes her tune once she sees Ruby. Ruby asks after Bruce and learns that he’s a complete wreck now, having lost his source of income, but Beau has been Gisselle’s rock. Gisselle wastes no time in making sure Ruby knows that Beau loves her now, so Ruby better stay away. Ruby assures her that she’s not after Beau and asks about the funeral. Gisselle wants Ruby’s help making a list of people to ask, which Ruby finds appalling since it’s “not supposed to be a party”. But…okay. I’ve never planned a funeral, so I don’t know these things, but wouldn’t having a list of people be useful? I mean, are funerals just open door? I maybe have to side with Gisselle (SHOCK) on this one, even though I’m sure she’s thinking less of people who cared about Daphne and more about society folks.

And why does Ruby care, anyway? She hated Daphne! And she doesn’t care much for New Orleans society either, so why does she care if Gisselle turns Daphne’s funeral into a party? She should be the first to RSVP!  Oh, wait, this is Ruby we’re talking about. Why should I expect her to behave in a manner consistent with her true feelings? Anyhoo. The sisters part ways to freshen up, but Ruby’s done first and goes downstairs to find Bruce rummaging through Daphne’s office. Gisselle told Ruby earlier that Bruce has been effectively locked out of Daphne’s estate, but he’s obviously trying to find some loophole or other. He’s also got a bottle of bourbon with him and his tie is loose. His tie! Is loose! Universal sign of drunkeness!

Bruce wants Ruby to team up with him against Gisselle and Beau, who, he claims, are cheating him out of what’s rightfully his. Ruby’s not hearing that, though, especially not with the years of embezzling that he and Daphne were doing to poor sainted Pierre. Bruce’s story is that he and Daphne had made arrangements, just not on paper, but Ruby’s not going to help him. He throws Beau and Gisselle’s relationship into Ruby’s face and promises that he’ll have the last laugh. Ruby leaves the room and tells Gisselle about the conversation, but Gisselle naturally doesn’t care. The sisters watch Bruce make his way out of the house with an armful of papers and he leaves angrily as Gisselle calls after him that Daphne had copies of everything, so he can’t destroy a thing. The girls eat lunch and Gisselle goes to call some people and Ruby wanders around the house. She eventually ends up in her old studio, where she promptly has a flashback to that time she and Beau did it in there. Said flashback is interrupted by the actual appearance of Beau, now sporting a John Waters-esque mustache. (Okay, they call it a Rhett Butler mustache, but we all know the truth) Blah blah blah he’s so sorry, he would have been disowned, how would he have cared for a baby, what’s the baby’s name, la la la, then he and Gisselle got together and here we are. Their reunion is cut short by Gisselle. She demands that Beau take her out for coffee while Ruby stays behind to call Mrs. Flemming and check on Pearl.

After Gisselle and Beau return, they all go to Daphne’s wake. Bruce makes a drunken fool of himself and swears some more revenge. Ruby and Beau make eyes at each other. Gisselle actually manages to cry a little. Oh and apparently Paul showed up at some point? I honestly cannot find the moment that he arrives. He’s just suddenly there. That’s terrifying. Paul and Ruby go back to Houma, where Ruby is not dealing well with having seen Beau again. She sees his face more and more in Pearl’s, and she keeps remembering his last words to her before she left New Orleans… Oh, did I forget to mention that? Yeah. Basically he’ll settle for Gisselle and pretend that she’s Ruby. I guess I just figured that was a given? I’m telling you, if Paul could just focus and do the same, we’d be good to go. One afternoon Ruby gets a letter in the mail—it’s a New Orleans newspaper, featuring the news of the elopement of Beau Andreas and Gisselle Dumas. Ruby does not take this well. And neither does Paul, who shows up in Ruby’s bedroom to throw a little fit.

Ruby starts making all of her Confederate romance paintings really depressing and she cries a lot while painting them. When Paul sees them, he tells her that he’s trapped her (there’s a lengthy mockingbird analogy) but Ruby doesn’t want Paul to be sad and offers to throw the paintings away. Paul won’t let her and instead wants to take her out for dinner and dancing to cheer her up. Ruby agrees, but before they can leave she gets a call from Gisselle, who’s just rubbing it all in a little, is all. Ruby hangs up on her, but a week later she hears from Paul that Beau called about estate business and Paul invited Beau and Gisselle to Cypress Woods. Well, this can only be a good idea.

Sure enough, the happy couple rolls in for a visit. Gisselle is rude to the servants, insults the SWAMPS and the house, and hastens off to shower all within the first ten minutes, but Beau wants to meet Pearl. Pearl and Beau immediately have a connection, and Ruby wonders if Mrs. Flemming is sensing that everything isn’t quite right. Well, considering how all anyone ever says is how much Pearl looks like Beau, I would imagine she’s probably just a touch confused. After they leave the nursery, Beau has a guilt fit about how he should have defied his parents and gotten a job and been brave enough to take care of Pearl like Ruby was, but Ruby’s not interested in hearing about what could have been. Beau wants to buy all of the Confederate paintings (I mean, who wouldn’t):

Pictured: An actual work by Ruby Tate. There's fog and stuff. Also blood. And crying.

He also wants her to know that he makes Gisselle wear her perfume and whatnot so as to further his illusion. But! He’s gotten himself an apartment in the French Quarter, where he wants to meet Ruby in secret, so that neither of them have to pretend anymore! But no, torrid affairs are not okay with Ruby. Sleeping with one’s brother, that’s okay though. Ruby refuses and hastens them back downstairs to meet Paul and Gisselle. Their respective spouses eye them suspiciously, but they all sit down to discuss business. They all have lots of money, carrying on. Afterwards, Paul suggests that they all go for a boat ride through the SWAMPS. Beau eventually convinces Gisselle and they all go and actually have a good time.

After the ride, Beau and Gisselle go off to bed with the intention of leaving early the next morning. Paul wishes Ruby good night, but not without first ranting a little about the “accident of birth” that keeps them from really being together.

LET IT GO.

They part ways and Ruby wonders what will become of them.

Okay! Next time: Obviously Beau and Ruby sneak off together, Jeanne asks Ruby for sex advice, and yet another terrible accident happens at this ranch that they suddenly own. And poor, poor decisions are made by everyone.

Ruby finally sends a letter to Daphne, telling her about marrying Paul and about Pearl and about how much oil they have (seriously guys), but really all she wants is for the Dumas family attorney to have her contact info. Okay, that’s fair. (But she does rub in the rich rich rich! thing for awhile)

ASIDE: I picked up the wrong book here for a second and it took me far too long to realize it. “Who the hell is Howard? Wait…”

Unsurprisingly, Daphne never writes back. Rude! One night, Jeanne (who has become good friends with Ruby) comes over to get relationship advice. See, Jeanne’s been dating her boyfriend James for a while, and she thinks that they’re going to be getting engaged soon, so she wants to know what made Ruby finally decide to marry Paul. Ooops. Also, who asks their sister-in-law that question? “So what made you decide to settle on my brother? You totally love him, right? Also, how many guys have you slept with?” I didn’t make that last one up, she really asks Ruby that. Ruby, naturally, lies and says that she didn’t. Sure enough, Jeanne and James get engaged a few days later. After a night discussing the wedding, Paul comes by Ruby’s bedroom to mope for a while about how he wishes that they could have had a big fancy wedding as well. He also kisses her on the neck, but we have enough squick to come.

And then…Gisselle!! She comes rolling in three days later with two random dudes in tow. She compliments Ruby on what she’s accomplished, “for a CAJUN”, whines when her boy toys admire Cypress Woods,  and does everything short of yell “BY THE WAY HOW’S OUR BROTHER,YOUR HUSBAND?” in front of her boyfriends. Though she does ask that precise question once the men are out of earshot. She also informs Ruby that Beau and his French fiancee have broken up, so Ruby might have been able to be with him after all if she hadn’t rushed into marrying Paul. Ruby doesn’t take that well. Later on, once Gisselle’s escorts have been sent away to tour the grounds, she tells Ruby all about Daphne and Bruce and their sham of a marriage, oh and by the way, Gisselle’s totally slept with Bruce. Ruby is appalled, but Gisselle notes that it’s really no worse than sleeping with one’s half-brother. Ruby insists that doesn’t happen and Gisselle doesn’t understand the point of getting married then.

Which, again, Gisselle and Paul, you guys. Would have solved so many problems.

Gisselle is equally annoyed to learn that Ruby’s not supplementing her lack of marital relations with some secret lover and mentions that she wrote to Beau and told him about Ruby’s wedding. Nice. OH AND BY THE WAY. Uncle Jean has killed himself. Ruby is horrified and Gisselle rather gleefully tells her that it happened months before, Daphne refused to contact Ruby, and well, you know that Gisselle hates writing letters and bad news. Ruby’s sadness is interrupted by the arrival of Paul. He kisses Gisselle hello and she turns her face so that he kisses her lips (OTP y’all). Paul is flustered by this realization of his dreams and invites Gisselle and her men over for dinner. She’d rather go out, so after some back and forth about whether the SWAMPS are, like totally lame, Gisselle and the lads leave.

After they leave, Ruby goes up to her room to ponder all of the ways that her life is royally screwed up. She mopes in there for so long that it gets dark outside and she’s missing Grandmere Catherine when suddenly she hears the sound of someone in boots coming down the hallway. You know what that means, right? Do you know what time it is? That’s right!

IT’S CONFEDERATE ROLE-PLAY TIME!!!

Who is at her door you ask? Well, technically it’s Paul in a Confederate officer’s uniform and a fake red Vandyke beard, but when Ruby laughs and calls him Paul, he corrects her in a done-up accent and tells her that his name is William Henry Tate, and he’s there to cheer her up after he heard some Yankees ruined her day. He wants to invite her for dinner and he’s even brought a dress for her to borrow. Ruby, cheered up and playing along, agrees and “William” leaves her so that she can get changed.

Now, okay, to a degree, this is actually pretty cute. It’s fun, it’s making Ruby laugh again, and hey, they’ve got the money to spend on outfits and what not. But this is Paul and Ruby we’re talking about, so naturally it’s gonna get weird. Plus, Paul couldn’t get a beard that matched his natural hair color*? Does this beard make him his own evil twin?

Ruby gets dressed and does her hair and goes down to dinner, where “William” tells her Civil War anecdotes and they have a good time. After dinner, they go walking on the patio and Ruby thanks Paul for going to all that trouble to cheer her up. (This is after Paul says the title of this post. Yes that is a direct quote, but I’ll let that one slide). Paul tries to initiate some makeouts, but Ruby hastily thanks him and they continue in character until Ruby goes to bed. Where she’s rather promptly joined by Paul, who tells her to call him William, and then they have sex.

GOD DAMMIT YOU TWO. THIS IS NOT OKAY. LARPING IS NOT REAL LIFE. YOU ARE STILL BROTHER AND SISTER. Don’t get me started on Ruby, who’s all “No wait hold on oh wait I like that” AGAIN  I SAY AGAIN: PAUL TATE YOU ARE GROTESQUE. Plus, really, he won you over with Civil War anecdotes? Really? Please tell me they were just scenes from Gone with the Wind. “And then there was this time that I was fleeing Atlanta as it burned, and I was in a cart with the woman I loved and her sister-in-law and–”

I love that movie.

That is just so not the point, Swamp Thing.

Ugh. So the next day, Paul acts like nothing happened, though Ruby gets him to admit that maaaaaybe just maaaaaaybe something might have possibly happened. After he suggests to Ruby that she just had sexy dreams about him, though. I HATE YOU PAUL. Ruby goes upstairs to paint and gets inspired to paint a series about a Civil War couple. Jeanne comes over in the midst of Ruby’s paintings and they have fun planning Jeanne’s 1960s wedding for a bit. “What it’s going to need, Jeanne, is more eyeliner.”

The planning goes on and on over family dinners and whatnot, with Gladys demeaning all of Jeanne’s choices, especially if Ruby approves of them. At one of these family dinners, Gladys tells Ruby that she and Paul’s father have political ambitions for Paul. I cannot even imagine Paul in a position of any authority whatsoever. Ruby allows herself to imagine how pissed off Gisselle would be to see her sister as first lady of Louisiana, but then, think of the Devil, she gets a postcard from Gisselle shortly thereafter. Surprise! Gisselle’s in Paris! And guess who else is there? Beau!! Who has a thin mustache now, just like Rhett Butler.

Stop haunting me, movie. I’m not turning on the Netflix Instant. I’m not.

Aw, come on.

You are on my last nerve today, guy.

Ruby starts getting lots of postcards from Gisselle, each one detailing all of the amazing fun that she and Beau are having in Paris and how she believes that Beau has finally started to love her for herself and not just because she reminds him of Ruby. Ruby hates reading the cards, but can’t help it, and she hides them from Paul. Jeanne’s wedding is wonderful, though it makes both Paul and Ruby a little sad. Paul tries to parlay that into something else, but Ruby shuts him down. Two days after the wedding, Ruby gets the last postcard from Gisselle, announcing that she and Beau are back in New Orleans, where Beau will go to med school and Gisselle is going to go to college. Gisselle hints that she might bring Beau out to Cypress Woods for a visit very soon, a thought which terrifies Ruby.

Having finished four of the paintings in her new series, Ruby has also been steadily sending landscapes into New Orleans to be sold in Dominique’s studio, where they sell like hotcakes, again making me wonder why the hell she needed to marry Paul for support again. A New Orleans paper does a story and photo spread about her, which, according to a letter from Gisselle, nearly makes Daphne drop her coffee on herself when she sees it. In the same letter, Gisselle notes that she thinks Beau will be proposing to her very soon, and that when it happens, Ruby will be first to know. In fact, Gisselle thinks it might be happening in just a week, since she, Beau, Daphne, and Bruce are heading out to the ranch that the Dumas own.

Ruby doesn’t write back, obviously, and she falls into a depression. She does hear from Gisselle a week later, though. While she and Paul are eating dinner, James (the butler, not Jeanne’s husband) comes to tell her that Gisselle is on the phone for her and she sounds all worked up. Ruby assumes that Gisselle’s calling to tell her that she and Beau are engaged, so she takes the call in Paul’s office. Gisselle certainly is worked up, for you see, Daphne went riding that afternoon and fell from her horse, hitting her head. Gisselle now only has her sister, she tells Ruby, because Daphne is dead.

RIP, Jean Dumas and Daphne Dumas Whatever Bruce’s Last Name is. (It’s Bristow, but who cares?) Thanks for thinning the cast?

Up next: Beau and his mustache speak some French, Bruce is pitiful, and Ruby has some more decisions made for her. See you then!

*Yeah, I know, lots of men with brown hair actually grow red beards. I’m marryin’ one! (POINTLESS PERSONAL ANECDATA) But we all know Paul just picked a beard at random and was probably drawn to the red for reasons I needn’t elaborate. Unless it was a complicated psychological need to manifest Ruby’s status as his “beard” of sorts in a physical manner on his face…okay probably not.

Plus, we all know Paul can’t grow a beard.

I found myself on a sudden! business trip, which effectively kept me from finishing up the latest recap. Also, we totally had an earthquake, although that really didn’t affect my writing at all. That said, I fully intend for the latest recap to be up on Sunday, barring my plans being foiled by Hurricane Irene. So knock on wood for me, readers!

Also, the next search term post is gonna be a doozy, I seriously tilted my head like a pug as I was reading them.

So apologies again for my slowness, and please stay safe everyone, particularly if you live in the regions recently affected by earthquakes or Hurricane Irene*.

*If anyone you know is pregnant and due soon, do NOT end up alone with them if this thing hits us. We all know what happens then.

We're totally judging you, Ruby.

Yeah, yeah we are. Anyhoo, Ruby gets dressed in a pink cotton dress with a square collar (sassy) and figures that it’s probably prudent not to wear the locket that Beau gave her to her wedding, so she puts it into Grandmere’s chest. She dresses Pearl in bright pink (see! with matching Baby Pearl!) and brushes her own hair out, ties it back with a ribbon, and wears one of Grandmere’s old sunbonnets.

Wait.

A pale pink dress, a hair ribbon, and a sunbonnet? Ruby, that’s not a wedding ensemble, that’s Holly Hobbie cosplay. (Yes, I Googled that, and no, I didn’t find anything. And I would have said Strawberry Shortcake, but she wears more of a mob cap. Wow, this is a long and weird aside.) Can I suggest that you buy a damn hat, because it’s what, 1965? You can find one. She goes outside with Pearl to wait for Paul. He shows up shortly thereafter with his hair wet and slicked back, in a blue suit. Oh lord.

As they drive to see the priest who has agreed to marry them (with the story that Paul is Pearl’s father and is finally stepping up), it’s raining slightly, so Paul has the windshield wipers going. Ruby thinks that they look like two fingers wagging at them disapprovingly, and in the rhythm Ruby hears the word “Shame” over and over again. Well this is cheerful stuff. Paul, naturally, babbles on talking about the house and their upcoming life together. Seems that the house is ready for them to move into, but he wants them to go to New Orleans for a few days so that Ruby can buy the best of everything for the house. He also wants her to set her studio as soon as possible and to interview nannies for Pearl. Ruby’s not sure she wants to hire a nanny, but Paul insists. The mistress of Cypress Woods should have all sorts of servants, and in fact he’s already hired a few! He even handily knows all of their racial heritages and religious practices. There’s their new butler, James Humble, who is a quadroon; their maid Holly Mixon, who is half Haitian and half Choctaw Indian; and their cook, Letty Brown, who practices voodoo! Jesus, Paul. What kind of interviewing process have you got? Ugh.

So they go to the chapel and they get illegally maaaaarried. Turns out that Paul hasn’t told his parents yet (shocker) and that just amps up Ruby’s nervousness. Oh and she pretends she’s marrying Beau. Nice. They head to Cypress Woods, where Paul shows Ruby her brand new Mercedes convertible and introduces her to the servants. Ruby wonders if maybe, just maybe, things are gonna turn out okay. (SPOILER ALERT: No.) They notice that there’s white powder sprinkled on the steps of the house and Letty tells them that she did it, for protection. Ruby tells her about Grandmere Catherine being a traiteur, and Letty is duly impressed. She says that makes Ruby a holy child, but Ruby quickly denies it. In the meantime, Paul has gone and told his family about the wedding. His sisters (who don’t know the truth) are excited, but his parents were obviously not. They’ll all be over for dinner the next day, though. Yay?

Ruby goes over with some men to get the things she wants from the shack. She reminisces about her former life for a few pages and goes back to Cypress Woods. Paul has lots of plans for their days to come: landscaping, shopping, decorating, and he tells them that they “don’t have time to feel sorry for themselves”. It’s not really self-pity, Paul. It’s more of an, oh I don’t know, a YOU’RE SIBLINGS WHO JUST GOT MARRIED TO EACH OTHER situation. Different. All of a sudden…surprise! It’s Paul’s sisters, Toby and Jeanne, come for an early visit! Jeanne is all bouncy and happy, while Toby is sharper and has more questions, like why Paul and Ruby didn’t get married as soon as she found out she was pregnant and when, by the way, did they even have a chance to make her? THANK YOU, TOBY. Ruby declines to answer and Paul soon shoos his sisters away.

At dinner that night he discusses all the decorating he wants to do, and tells Ruby that she should get help from his mother, since she’s so classy and refined. Ruby’s kind of like “Hello, artist?” but sort of agrees. They turn in for the night in their suites-with-a-connecting door. (Paul’s idea, I’m sure) Paul comes in to see if Ruby’s all tucked in and asks permission to kiss her goodnight, which she grants. He tries to get the mouth, but she turns her face away.  The next morning, Paul leaves for the cannery and Ruby is visited after breakfast by Octavious Tate. Booooo. Basically, he figures that what’s done is done, but he just asks that Ruby maintain the illusion that Paul is Gladys’ son whenever Gladys is around. We will learn that Gladys is REALLY into illusions. Ruby agrees and Octavious leaves. Paul calls to tell Ruby that he’s sending over a nice older English lady to be interviewed for the nanny job. LORD can we get some Gisselle in this soon? This house stuff is booooring. The nanny is named Mrs. Flemming, she looks like Grandmere somewhat, her daughter lives in England, blah blah blah she’s hired. And now the Tates come to dinner!

Octavious is nervous and Gladys is a bitch who ignores Pearl (much to her daughters’ confusion) and is cold to Ruby. She doesn’t want to help with the decorating at first, but is persuaded to by Paul. Gladys and Ruby go on a tour of the house. She immediately turns on Ruby, demanding to know how she could marry Paul. She pulls the “Gabrielle Landry cursed my husband” card and whines about how Paul has always loved her the best and told her everything and now he knows she’s not his real mother. Ruby says that Paul still loves Gladys like his real mother, and that she will never do anything to deliberately come between Paul and Gladys. Gladys seems more amused by this idea than anything and grudgingly begins to tell Ruby how to decorate and where to shop in New Orleans. Dream mother-in-law!

Soon enough Paul, Ruby, Mrs. Flemming, and Pearl head to New Orleans. With the nanny and Pearl installed at the hotel, Paul and Ruby go on a shopping spree and to a fancy dinner. Paul and Ruby are sharing a room (with two beds) but Paul lurks around and watches her in her slip and it’s weird. Damn it, Paul. After more shopping the next day, Paul suggests that Ruby go and see Daphne. Though she really doesn’t want to, Ruby takes the streetcar and heads to the Dumas house in the Garden District. Ruby starts to panic as she gets closer, as she realizes that everything has changed since she was last there. She stops across the street and looks at the house for a while, when Daphne comes home and enters the house. Just seeing Daphne from afar is too much for Ruby and she hurries back to the hotel and tells Paul that she wants to go home early. Ruby doesn’t really calm down until they reach Cypress Woods, and she realizes that she feels safe there. For now.

Okay! Back in the saddle again. In the next exciting episode: Ruby gives Jeanne sex advice, GISSELLE, the long-awaited Confederate role-playing, and somebody dies! It’s action-packed and it’s coming up soon!

petals in the wind cory

what did the mother do with cory flowers in the attic

Clearly someone wants answers. Someone needs answers. I…have only theories to give.

Okay. What the searcher is asking for is what Corinne Dollanganger Foxworth Winslow did with the body of her younger son Cory after his death in Flowers in the Attic. In FitA, when Corinne returns to her children and tells them that Cory has died, she tells Cathy that she covered Cory’s body with leaves and left it in a ravine on the road to the hospital. However, in Petals on the Wind, when Cathy confronts her mother after having wandered around the attic for a bit, she tells Corinne that she found a smaller room off of the attic that the kids hadn’t had access to previously, and that in that room she smelled something terrible, indicating that Corinne brought poor Cory’s body back to the house and left it in a trunk or something in an attic side-room. Corinne violently denies this, but she’s kinda violently denying everything at this point. So I’m not sure which is true, Searcher. I’d believe either of Corinne, honestly.

cindy/bart flowers in the attic.

No no no no no. No. You’re all muddled up! Bart *does* makes some brief appearances in Flowers in the Attic (for those not in the know, he is the eventual and unknowing stepfather of the four Dollanganger siblings), but Cindy (Chris and Cathy’s adopted daughter) doesn’t show up until Seeds of Yesterday. They certainly never get any interactions worthy of a /. And even if you meant Bart II, the son of Cathy and her stepfather Bart (oh Cathy), there’s not really anything there either. Okay, Bart II does burst in on his sister and her boyfriend in an awkward moment and start yelling Bible passages at them, but that’s really it.

most depressed painting

Anything Ruby’s ever done?

painting swamp monster smile

Throwing this in for anyone who didn’t see it on Facebook. I gave in and Google image searched this, and the results weren’t as alarming as I’d feared (hoped). But what WERE you looking for, Searcher? And why?

v.c. andrews ruined my childhood

Aw, that seems a little harsh, my friend. I’m sure her works just made your childhood a little more…confused. Unless you were searching for this blog’s subtitle, in which case, it’s sarcasm! No childhoods were ruined. We’re all okay, right?

Oh yeah! And just to mention it here too, there’s now a an …in the Attic Facebook page! Please like us if you feel like it. http://www.facebook.com/pages/In-the-Attic-A-VC-Andrews-Blog/247385845277844. See y’all soon with the next exciting segment of All That Glitters!

Mother? Dead.

Grandmother? Dead.

Father? Dead.

Grandfather? Dead.

First boyfriend? Brother.

Second boyfriend? Paris.

Twin sister? Amazing.

Stepmother? Evil.

Daughter? Baby.

It’s been eight months since Pearl was born, and she and her mother are living in the old Landry shack, supported by Ruby’s roadside stand of handicrafts and gumbo. Oh, and the food and presents that Paul is constantly bringing around. Yep, good old Paul, who hasn’t let up on his mission to marry his sister, and who Ruby and Pearl are waiting for as the story begins. Paul is coming around in his boat to take Ruby to see the mansion that he’s building out in the SWAMPS. After he arrives and they head out, he tells Ruby that one of his newest oil wells is going to produce much more than was anticipated, and if they’d just get married, Pearl could be a real princess. But naturally Ruby doesn’t want Pearl to be a princess, just a normal, happy little girl. Paul’s like “Yeah that’s what I meant” and they carry on. Having ruined the nice moment Paul was trying to have, Ruby can relax a little and enjoy the SWAMPS. Paul asks if Grandmere Catherine would be surprised to see everything he’s accomplished and Ruby says no, that Grandmere always believed in Paul. (She just never treated him like a grandson and would be horrified to know he’s still obsessed with Ruby) Plus, Paul, what precisely have you accomplished at this point? Don’t get me wrong, later we’ll hear about his political aspirations (America loves a man married to his sister), and his work at the cannery, and the oil fields, and I guess planning and building a sizable house in a SWAMP is quite a feat,

"When I first came here, this was all swamp. Everyone said I was daft to build a castle on a swamp, but I built it all the same, just to show them."

but come on. Shut up Paul. You’re like 19 years old.

Anyhow. The house in progress is amazing, and Paul has named it Cypress Woods. He admits that he designed it to beat the Dumas house in New Orleans and that there’s nothing he won’t do for Ruby. (This is going to be a recurring theme) So they go on a tour of the house and it’s spectacular, Spanish tile everywhere (did Paul hire Alice Wakefield?), crystal chandeliers, the works. There’s an amazing modern kitchen, and Paul thinks that they could even try to track down Ruby’s former cook Nina and hire her. Ruby’s still hesitant, even when Paul takes her up to the attic (hey!) and shows her the amazing view, then tells her that this would be her art studio. Paul wants to know if Ruby’s sure that she couldn’t be happy there. Ruby points out that she’s sure that anyone could be happy there, and it’s not the house that’s making her say no, it’s the fact that SHE AND PAUL ARE BROTHER AND SISTER. But Paul’s thought of that! (I bet)—-there are separate bedrooms and everything. Besides, it’s not their fault that his parents lied to him for so long, why should he and Ruby have to pay?

Ruby tries to delicately point out that by entering into this arrangement, Paul (who she describes as “virile”, Ruby, ew, that’s your brother) will be denying himself certain things. Paul’s willing to do that, but Ruby, who has actually been in a sexual relationship, isn’t. Get it girl. Paul offers to make a pact with Ruby: If either of them finds someone else with whom they can be happy, the remaining partner won’t get in the way. In the meantime, Pearl will be taken care of and Ruby can paint again and they can all be happy. Ruby’s starting to fold and she asks about Paul’s parents. He doesn’t care—yeah they know the truth, but they’d never tell anyone for fear of scandal, and besides, if they don’t like it, who needs ‘em? Paul is loaded, after all. So Ruby hems. And she haws. And then she says yes.

Say it with me again: Oh, Ruby.

Paul drops Ruby and Pearl off at the shack and Paul goes to have dinner with his family. Paul promises to tell his father if he gets time alone with him, and leaves. Ruby and Pearl go to bed. The next day Ruby works at her roadside stand. When she takes a break in the late afternoon, she realizes that Paul didn’t come by for lunch like he usually does. She takes the time to herself to read part of a letter she’d gotten from Gisselle, who is attending some private college in New Orleans that Daphne arranged for her to attend. Naturally the letter informs Ruby that Beau is loving it in France, and is going to be getting engaged to his fancy debutante girlfriend any day. Ruby puts the letter away and takes out the locket that Beau gave her back before she went away to boarding school. She wonders if she could ever love another man like she loved Beau, and also if marrying Paul and having a secure future is the best plan after all. Living in incest is the best revenge, Ruby. I think I saw that embroidered on a pillow somewhere.

But then! Ruby gets a visitor. It’s Paul’s father Octavious, champion asshole. Okay. I know I’ve mentioned this before, but I’ll just throw it in briefly: I am a prequel believer. What happens in the prequels is Word of God as far as I’m concerned (saving things like name continuity errors like the Dollangangers are plagued with). What I mean is, in Ruby, when Ruby finds out that her mother, Gabrielle, was also Paul’s mother, she gets two versions of the story. Grandmere Catherine’s, from Gabrielle, is that Octavious came upon Gabrielle while she was swimming in the swamps and raped her, resulting in her pregnancy with Paul. According to Octavious and his wife Gladys, Gabrielle seduced him with her witchery. I’m sure we’re all on the same page, but for the record, I believe Gabrielle. Moving on.

Octavious is there to convince Ruby not to marry Paul. He gives up some half-assed version of events wherein he was overcome with passion and betrayed Gladys, and how he’s tried to make up for it, and anyway, can Ruby please not marry Paul? Gladys has fallen into some deep depression and also there’s the SIBLINGS aspect, so can she just tell him she changed her mind? He begs, and Ruby agrees. I am getting WHIPLASH from these decisions of yours, Ruby. Octavious leaves. Ruby realizes that she and Pearl have to leave the BAYOU so that Paul can finally get it through his head that he needs to find someone else. She sits down and writes a letter to Daphne, telling her about Pearl, and asking for an advance on her (Ruby’s) inheritance. Before she can address the letter, Paul shows up.

He can tell something’s wrong, so Ruby immediately tells him that she’s changed her mind. She denies that anyone talked her out of it except for her own conscience, but Paul’s suspicious. Oh and he doesn’t care about anything but Ruby and Pearl. That’s healthy. Ruby begs him to find someone else to love, but he shakes his fist at the ceiling (no, really) and swears that he’ll take an oath like a priest and turn Cypress Woods into a shrine and live there alone forever and he’ll write poetry and he’ll play guitar and WON’T RUBY BE SORRY THEN?? Then he takes off. Ruby goes inside and wonders if she’s doing the right thing. Luckily for our girl, though, circumstances will once again conspire to make sure that she never has to make a decision without some big dramatic impetus.

And this time said impetus will take the form of one Buster Trahaw. Remember him? Grandpere Jack tried to sell Ruby to him after Grandmere Catherine’s death, which was the big dramatic impetus for Ruby to run away to New Orleans. (See what I mean about conspiring circumstances?)

Wait, no, that deserves a side-rant. Ruby never has to think anything out. She never comes to any decision just by sitting down and considering her options. Grandmere’s final wish was for Ruby to leave the SWAMPS and go to New Orleans, but did she? No, not at first. At first she convinced herself she needed to stay put, and it took her grandfather chaining her to her bed after she refused to be sold that made her run. Daphne sends her to get a back alley abortion, but does she at any point realize she doesn’t want that? No, it takes the clinic being sketchy and the doctor being scary for her to run away again. Yes, I know she didn’t have much time to think between “I’m pregnant?” and “Here’s the doctor”, but it bothers me. Her initial acceptance of Paul’s proposal was a result of guilt and manipulation and a dazzlingly big art studio, and her agreement to back out just now was the result of someone playing upon that guilt. It gets worse as the series progresses, believe me. I mean, even Heaven Leigh Casteel makes decisions. Poor, poor decisions, but she still makes ‘em. Hell, even Dawn Cutler makes decisions. Cathy Dollanganger makes decisions all over the place. Melody Logan just plays the fiddle.

And so just like every other major decision in Ruby’s life, the question of whether or not she’ll enter into a sham marriage with her HALF-BROTHER isn’t decided by weighing pros and cons, or by trying to contact Beau and asking him what to do, or even by mailing that letter to Daphne and getting some money of her own and leaving Houma for a while. Nope. Buster Trahaw shows up, is drunk and lurching and disgusting, paws at Ruby, she throws gumbo in his face, grabs Pearl, and flees to a neighbor’s. Buster’s arrested, the neighbors fix up the shack, and then, sure enough, Paul comes over to check on Ruby, tells her that she and Pearl shouldn’t be alone, and she decides that’s totally true and agrees ONCE AGAIN to marry him.

ARRRRGH

They exchange makeshift vows on the porch of the shack, promising to love each other and protect each other and RUBY WHAT ARE YOU DOING and they decide to elope the next day. They also drink a little of Grandmere Catherine’s brandy to celebrate, and Ruby thinks how appropriate it is to “top our pledge with something my grandmere had made”. What, like the two of you?? Paul leaves for the night, Ruby kisses Pearl, and we close the first recap with Ruby looking forward to her dreams.

As am I, and you characters better not be in them.

Not even you, friend.

Seriously, Swamp Thing, what is with these two? And it only gets worse! We haven’t even gotten to the Confederate role-playing yet. You heard me.

Coming up! Shotgun weddings (is it a shotgun wedding if the baby is present?), superfluous voodoo practitioners, the introduction of Gladys Tate, and Ruby acts like a crazy lady on the streets of New Orleans. Fun!